Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Is anyone listening?

I am frequently feeling like I am not doing this Mom job as well as I would like. I wish they ate better, liked to be outdoors like I do, didn't struggle with school and the biggest one-I wish there was less arguing and more serenity.
Part of me understands that these things happen because of the way they were raised. Food and exercise were not priorities when they were born and this continues pretty much currently. I also understand that outside may not be there thing like it is to me. I also forget that I have kids with an ADHD diagnoses. It is an invisible thing that is easily forgotten and easily confused with other things.
What is the only thing you can do when you don't like the ways things are going?
You change them. The thing is these things are big things and the roots of them are buried deep. Changing them and doing it right is like changing the rotation of the Earth. It happens so slowly and so microscopically that day to day you don't feel it but before you know it you are into a whole different Season. Things are blooming before your eyes based on the tiniest of changes that you have made. I want this to happen. I want to be the Mother Nature of these kids and our family.
The thought of this and the things needed to make it happen are scary and hard and take time, patience and perseverance which I am not sure I have but I do know that I don't like the way it is now so any change is better than staying status quo. I believe a lot of people avoid such work for this exact reason. Change is hard and scary. I also am not even sure what I should do so I wake up every day and try. I go to bed at night exhausted and try to think that tomorrow is another chance to try again. I put today to bed when I close my eyes.
In my effort to get my beloved daughter Lilly back in shape we are walking about a mile a day. When I take these walks I invite Ava but have explained it really isn't an invite but a "get your shoes on". Monday we drove to the other end of the bog to see the waterfall and wood that was brought in to open the river up. I am growing frustrated as I really need to walk this dog but Ava is collecting sticks and looking for turtles and asking 100 questions. Finally I say Av, we need to get this dog moving! Her answer  brought me to a halt. Well, I'm sorry that I am a curious kid. And in one statement I am reminded again to slow it down because this is the life I want us to live. We walked down to the river and played, scared ducks, read the Wildlife board and said hello to my Nana who I think visited us in the form of a very chatty Red Winged black bird. We checked out the trees which she was pretty pissed were cut down. I explained they were needed here to help the river and they were removed from an area that needed them gone to help the wildlife in other ways. We brought home bark and rocks that look like spears and hearts.
Last night I was showing her a video for these dog biscuits I want to make. Right after that video this video above loads up. She is being silly but slapping me on the arm as the video plays like we need to do this. Watch this video. It is exactly what I want to do with my kids and it appears she would like to do that too. Not that we will ever make it to this place but we can do these things in closer places. We have 2 camping trips planned so far.
Now I am not sure about you but to me this appears that our planet is shifting just a tiny bit. I still am not sure what I am doing. All I can do is continue to do what I think is good and hope that they learn. So as tired am I am I will run today, I will walk my dog and I will try again to get Av to do a little yoga with me even if it's only because she thinks it's funny. I will work on food choices for dinner and talk about how good a salad will be for lunch.
I will hope that that these little tiny things are heard because it is the best I can do for now.

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40