Friday, July 18, 2014

Mama's Vacation

Where do I even begin?
I am going back to Vermont for the Harpoon BBQ fest and I am pretty excited.
I am super excited to actually have 2 partners in crime who are willing to do anything. 
"Whatever you want to do we can do". PSYCHED!
I will say that might include nothing or 100 things. I don't really care. I will be away for 4 days. Yahoo.
His suggestion- Lets find a bunch of places to swim. 
Look what I found:
We are tent camping in Queeche which fills one of my requests to hike down to the gorge and one of his because we can swim there. I am not sure Mugsy will be thrilled with all this walking but he will need to man up or learn to ride in a back pack. Hopefully this makes for a smoother night of sleeping in the tent. 
Can't even wait 7 days folks, 7 DAYS!!!!
Last Saturday I set up the tent and put the mattress in to make sure it will work for us. My friend bought a mammoth cooler which we will fill with fruit and veggies and then just add tons and tons of BBQ as our protein. That is the plan anyway. Other than that cards, fire, no internet or power. 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

For Carla

I was dragged awake this morning deep in the middle of a dream. Carla loves this shit so this is a post for her even though I don't think she reads my blog.
I am writing it out because I feel it slowing fading and I think it means something.
So I bump into my friend at a store. I have a car full of people but I can't see any of their faces. He is in his own vehicle. We pull out and it is construction. As the policeman waves me to go I can't. I am physically like leaning forward wishing I would move forward but that is not working. All the while I haven't touched the gas. I finally realize how stupid I must look and I slowly give it gas and we drive forward. This person is still driving behind us until a fork in the road where he just takes a right and is gone.No fuss, no muss.
Analyze that bitches!
1. I have the power to push the gas and move on if I just take it.
2.Maybe the pain is that he took that right without looking back. That has certainly happened to me before.
I will say that it seemed an important message when I first woke up and it was still fresh like it really happened.
As always I will take your 2 cents.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Forth of July

Not trying to be a Debbie Downer but this past week sucked. Wait didn't I already say that? Well it did.
I actually welcomed a fucking Hurricane. Bring it!
I dragged in all my outdoor stuff, cracked up the coffee pot and went to work cleaning the girls room.
Dumped a black trash bag of clothes for donation, 2 regular trash bags in the trash and donated a bag of books,
Looks like there is a floor again.
We bundled up and hit Dairy Queen at about 7 and checked out the ocean.
Our Fireworks were moved up to SUnday the 6th instead. Still not feelin' it but you do what the kids need.
We had to make quick work of it as I work Sunday's now but we got there at about 7 and there was still plenty of room. I can't do the whole crazy Heights things but after last night I see I am going to have to. The kids deserve the full effect of Falmouth Fireworks and all the Heights craziness.
We played for a bit and then stood together and oohed and aahed together.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Start of Summer

I have been working for the last 2 weeks without a day off so I have been doing what I can to sneak in my Summer around work. Last weekend at Sunday dinner I brought this sac race with me and that lead to a cool bunch of fun outdoor games. The kids did great at this game, limbo,
jump over the stick and Simon says.
I have also managed to get to the beach a few days after work too. This picture is a day when just Olivia and I did Menahaunt. It was nice to have some time with just her. We investigated the old bridge and I told her about the old story I was told of a burned down pirate house that used to be there. No idea if it is true but my Nana told me the story so I passed it along. 

Last night I went early while they were with their Dad and saved us some up front spaces at the 1st outdoor movie at Peg Noonan park. I love this movie and so do they. I love outdoor activities on the Cape but will be grateful when the crowds mellow out a little again. This week feels like the Cape is swollen to it's limit. Maybe it is just my limit. 
I need a day at the beach but with this storm coming and 2 more overtime shifts on the next 2 Fridays I don't see that happening for a while.


It's been a week.
I just re-read my last post to see how I felt in comparison.
I am angry. I feel like he hurt me with joke on Saturday that we obviously disagree was not a joke. I have not spoken to him again except to explain that I didn't think it was a joke, the more he explained it it just seemed to be more of a dig and so I am really hurt now.
I have changed my mind about making mistakes.
I did.
I stayed when I wasn't being treated the way I want to be treated. I let him do things, although mild, that I wasn't comfortable with. I also didn't express this so I just let it happen to me and that was wrong.
I need to trust my own needs and feelings. I found somethings he said disrespectful and instead of saying Hey dickhead what is that? I tried to roll with it. That lead to a growing sense of discomfort in the end.
Why am I still doing this?
Try that shit outside of a relationship and I will lay it out there for you. I would probably lay it out flat like a map right now if I could but instead I just chalked it up to a problem with me. I need to be more tolerant, more open, more light heart, more..... I don't know. More open to taking your shit is what it ended up being.
This is not a hate it is a lesson.
I will not do that again.
In any case, it has been a rough week. It is one of the busiest of the year I would say on the day shift. I need to continue to be a Mom and hey let's try to handle some personal shit like this.
I haven't had the sufficient time to cry, think about it and them forgive it and move on. I woke up after a dream the other night feeling a little clearer (forgot what that was exactly now) and I have been having a few pops of clarity then that is mowed over by lack of money and stress of managing the house.
Hey, life is never boring around here.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Not hatin'

And this pops up on my Facebook feed.
Factual Fact because I might doubt myself sometimes but I am a good person.


I looked for the most fitting photo for this post and every one had this angry tone. Man hater ripped my heart out kind of thing. Really Women?
I chose this because although the wave is making it fade there is always am opportunity to make a new one.
Not going to lie, it hurts.
When I push that away and think with my brain I think about the lessons learned.
He is correct-I do want more than he does.
He was kind and never hurtful.
I need as much back as I give and I sure as Hell do not want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.
I am letting my heart hurt and moving on.
I couldn't have done anything different.
I didn't do anything wrong.
I did me and it just wasn't what he was looking for.

Will we stay friends? Hmmm. Maybe.

Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44

05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05

6/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26

6/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05

7/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52

08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31

08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30

10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10

05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17

05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50

08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37

10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00

09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31

10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20

8/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24