Monday, November 23, 2015

Great Blue Hill....again

I keep thinking I should try a different route, a different side, a different place but really I like this one. It is a good circle, involves a decent amount of work and it isn't that far a drive. The view doesn't suck either. Funny thing about this section of the Skyline is that you start off by hiking away from the Great Blue Hill to start. The picture below is me looking back over my shoulder to where I am heading.
The circle ended up being about 2.8 miles and was wet and muddy in maybe 25% of my travels. Not too bad but I took it slow where it was wet and heavy with leaves. Don't really want to break my ass and be alone. Also I would say because it was a weekday I only saw about 4 people and 2 horses in the total time I was on the trails. No complaints from me. 
The day was beautiful. Cool but bright sun which felt great. 
I finally walked over to the weather station while I was there. I have done this route maybe 3 times and never checked that out. I walked all the way around it and saw a mountain in the distance. I need to investigate what I was looking at. It is tough to see in this picture but it is there. 

 There was also a field trip of friendly kids who wished me well when I headed back down the trail. 
Another fav place where we poke through these large rocks. 
The Appalachian Mountain Club has this game called Red Lining the Blue Hills. I am considering it. The point is to get a map and trace every trail with a red marker as you complete it. I think the goal is to do this in a year but not required. They also meet every Thursday and do a section but obviously that isn't an option for me so I'd be tackling it myself. 
I am grateful for days like today and will be out as much as possible.
Next step-Snowshoes!!! 

Getting back into the groove

I just got back from a run, in the rain and eventually walked the last maybe quarter mile in the dark.
I can't explain why but today is the type of day I love to run. It is 50 degrees and pouring. Maybe it is the adversity but my time was one of the fastest and it was a longer route. 3.73 miles in 42:41.
While running I was thinking about why I was doing it and it started with
1.I haven't run in a while
2.daylight is running out
Next thing I know it grew into this.
I am doing it because I fear size 50 work pants
I fear 306 lbs
I fear looking like this again

So really I need to look at it from this point of view. There is no cheat day, just a bit, round the bend. I need to live the life. 
I have felt the power of the correct route before and am happy today to say I think I am getting it back. I was doing my best when I treated my body like a machine and succeeded when I fueled it that way. Of course I feel this way because I am sitting here in an nice endorphin haze so I always feel invincible when that happens. I guess the other part would be to keep the haze up too. 

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Elf the Musical

Ava's dream is to go to a Blue man group show so we had to stop by the theater and let her check it out while walking to the Wang Center.
Seriously with that smile?? She is killing me.

After picking up Nana and grabbing some dinner we headed to Boston. Ava took some photos of the city skyline for me. We also spotted this giant billboard on our way in.
I am so glad we all dressed up because the Wang Center was as beautiful as I remembered and we spent some time checking out all the details while we waited for the show to start. The seats were great! First row on the balcony so no one in front of us and the kids were able to sneak under the bar and get out when needed.( When they needed candy I should say.)

The show itself was hysterical and we had a great time. The kids loved it and the music and jokes kept the adults interested as well. We were all questioning how they could make the movie into a musical but everyone in our group agreed they nailed it. The props were great, the singing phenomenal and the actor who played Elf was awesome.
i am so glad we were able to see this show and I am very proud of the girls. They were great for such a big trip on a school night. Both had field trips the next day and still dragged their butts out of bed and made it to school.
If you have a chance to see a show at the Wang Center or anywhere-Go! It is such a great experience for the kids and adults.

Monday, November 16, 2015

Don't Judge me!

Pardon me while I write and think about a title.
Tomorrow my family is lucky enough to go and see Elf the musical at the Wang Center. I believe such a beautiful place deserves us to be dressed beautifully as well. Cape Cod and kids seem to water down our fanciness sometimes. I explained to the girls that we were all going to dress up for this show and immediately the bickering with Ava. I was not allowing the same dress for the last 2 years to come out again.
I took her to Walmart knowing this would be a one time wearing and it wasn't worth a big purchase. 3 dresses went into the dressing room. It was painful to watch. I fought back the tears. She looked miserable and I felt miserable making her wear something she hated. The only dress she liked wasn't big enough. Finally I just quit.
As I was preparing to leave I took her with me to the boys section. We all know she basically wears boys clothes every day. She was thrilled to pick out a button down shirt in a beautiful blue with a tie and navy dress pants. I was very uncomfortable about this and I am sure you think it is because of the sex of the clothes but honestly it was more about the size.

I am sad for my round little girl. The pants are a husky and I hate that. The shirt is an XL and I hate that. I am more afraid that she dresses like this for her size and I hate that.
I am not sure how she feels about her body and am I so afraid to approach the subject because I hated and still hate my body and I am terrified that she will feel this way too.
In the end she looked beautiful. Forget the clothes but for the smile. She said I will tell everyone " Don't judge me!" So I told her they shouldn't because she looked great. "Well of course it is Gummy Shark Blue and I really love the tie. Now I will be able to help my husband with his tie because I know how to wear one."
I also cry because she is fucking awesome. She is marching to another drummer....her own damn drummer and I never want to squash that.
But the weight. I need to address that. I asked if we could talk a little and she said no so I know she knows. I put her on the scale for my knowledge and took it away never saying a word. It is a number that shocked me.
I later talked quietly about how I would like to work on being healthier. Because I love her. She asked how we would do that and I said maybe trying new foods to expand her knowledge of fruits and veggies. She said I eat too much sugar and I agreed. I said some things she ate were not great choices and I listed fun snacks I knew she liked as replacements. Not No ice cream but maybe once a week and she said how about an apple the rest of the week. She also asked for the treadmill so she could run.
Honestly I am not sure how to do this but for a long while I have struggled with the disconnect of the food I eat and the food they eat. I need to get her to exercise. She has no stamina to keep up with Olivia and I over maybe 3/4 mile walking.
She should not be this overweight with her parents history.
I am so sorry Ava.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Mount Monadnock

I'm kind of a wing it girl but once I put my mind to something oh trust me are doing it. This has it's good and bad points. This I think was a good result. Last month I headed to New Hampshire with the plan to hike Mt. Monadnock but was turned away because there are no dog allowed in the park. Today I decided to try it again alone. 
I looked for more info on the trails and had a plan to head up on the White Cross Trail as it seemed to have more rock to sort of grapple on the way up and I would come down the White Arrow Trail and take one of the smaller trails back through the woods to the lot where I was parked. Thinking by the end I would be tired and not having as much energy for the work needed to climb down. Lets just walk in the woods.
I was pretty concerned about layers and being prepared for the 36 degree temp I was expecting when I got there. 
This board was super helpful but also not as accurate by the time I got there at 10:30. On the way up a Mt Volunteer was kind enough to share that the wind at the Summit was about 45 MPH. Well that will definitely be interesting.
I was also already having issues with layers. Not issues really but I was over layered. 1 went right back into my backpack and the next was tied around my waist as I started to make my way up and up. When she shared the wind speed I was thinking that I may need those layers later on. I was just concerned I would be trapped without the right stuff. 

This is the photo of the Summit on the approach road. I am mad that I let my phone battery die because the view from the top was awesome and I could see this camp FAR in the distance. It's incredible where your feet can take you isn't it?

Funny that I decided to take this trail because I like the rock but I soon found out it was this and more of this and more the whole way up. It was work and quite a few stops to drink and just catch my breathe. After the trees started to fall away the top is just bald rock, some in sheets that looked kind of scary to me. I had to stop and deal with some fear a couple times but I am not a quitter. falling down the Mountain was a real fear a couple times on the way up and down from the very top.
The Summit was beautiful in all directions and I could see the Boston skyline. It was so windy and icy I actually almost fell over. People were tucked into every space in the rock that gave them some cover while they ate or rested. I wasn't so lucky and after having lost a glove on the climb up I didn't stay long. I sort of walked around in a circle trying to soak up as much of the good vibes a s possible and decided to look for the trail down.

The way down was a little more busy and I waited my turn for quite a while. Being this trail was like a one way up and one way down for a while.  Once we hit the trees again groups were tucked in here and there resting and eating and I decided I needed that too. It was only like an hour and a half in maybe but it was a hard 1.5 hours.
Once I stepped off the little ledge I ate on I got to see that the next mile was like walking thru a creek. rocks and water and it went on all the way down. I was grateful to get off that trail and just be on a gravel road for a while. I was thirsty. Not good to feel this thirsty and cold. My naked hand was in my pocket as much as possible but I needed it to make my way down the roads and for balance.
In my head I am now making correction to gear for the next trip. Back up gloves being 1 thing and better pants being another. I didn't understand all these women in tight pants until I realized crap, I have insulated running pants. I should have had those on!
Tired and looking at a time of after 2pm and I needed to keep moving. Dark would be here soon and the sign when I entered back into the woods on the Parker trail said 1.5 miles to headquarters.
The leave cover was heavy and it was very wet everywhere. A couple of times I stepped into a mud hole I didn't see. The boots are water proof as long as the hole isn't deeper than your boot. I will say this wasn't as easy as I thought. You really could see what you were stepping on for almost the whole 1.5 miles.
BUT I came upon brooks bubbling and took a few minutes to just stand there and listen. At one point I was thinking this should be the sound I record and play while I chill. Funny thing is that it really isn't sound it is more like silence with an light sound of wind and leaves rustling. This would be my base to meditation if I can get a practice started.
There were more examples of beauty than I can count. As I said I am pissed my camera died as I didn't get pictures of the actual Summit or the trail on the way back including a really cool dam I walked back just as I returned to HQ. But that also means I didn't stop a million times for photos and I have the memories all to myself.
I know this post sounds tough and it was. Some people may even think why the hell would you do that again but I love it. I love the feeling of working that hard. I love the views. I love the quiet. I love the challenge. I loved being alone with nothing but my own resources.
I missed my partner but I now see that Lilly was not welcome there and why.  It would not have been a safe hike for her or others. This was not a stroll in the woods. Today I plan on making it up to her with a local hike.

Monday, November 9, 2015

Leaving Candyland again

I'm doing it again.
I almost don't even want to type it but I don't have another outlet. I have been stepping back from my online support group. I am trying to find a healthy balance between the "rules" and actually following the rules of bariatric living.
Fact is I need to do it. I run like a fine oiled machine when I do but right now I am uninspired, unsatisfied and not in the mood. This is a recipe for disaster and the main reason why I have tried and failed so many times lately.
A few weeks ago I hit the Fresh Market at the kids school and scored these acorn squash and some butternut squash. I roasted these tonight and ate them with some left over steak tips. Meh, it's food I guess.
It has been about 5 days and I still struggle at night. I am eating spoons of natural peanut butter to I don't know distract me, fill a hole, coat my guilty conscious?
I might see a slight improvement but no real joy right now. I want to ramp it up a little and add more fish. My go to choices are quick to make so I have no excuse.
I also need fats and vegetables. I am lacking avocado, nuts and veggies.   
A good chopped salad with some cheese sounds right about now.
Right now I am just still angry about losing it and the work it is taking to get it back. I am also tired. That always makes for a negative attitude for me.
Bed at 8.
Food tomorrow.
Feeling powerful the next day.

Sunday, November 8, 2015

2 wheels......again

1. Birthday bike rack
2. Birthday bike plus 2 more
3. Beautiful beach front bike path

If you remember Ava learned how to ride a bike last August. It took a couple tries but she did it. We video taped it and I was super excited and proud.
True to my scatter brained mothering we have not been on a bike ALL THIS YEAR. I didn't have a bik but I have a dog and Olivia is a mad rider and just takes off when ever she likes. Ava went back to her 3 wheeler 360.
Well we decided to do it again. She struggled and I just kept running along side her. She cried, got mad and even growled a little. I was losing my patience and out of ideas for support as just walked along her. All of a sudden I look back and she is talking to herself. I remembered this is what she did last year. Like all of a sudden she gets her groove and believes she can do it. After getting a hang of it she says Mom, I just keep telling myself I think I can. I said well change that to I know I can because you can.
And she did.
See this face below. This was because she had it and lost it. I blamed the boots but she wouldn't hear it. Mom, I can do it.

And she did have it again. I even got a chance to ride my new bike along side her which I love. All hot pink and flowered 
The only reason we left was out of darkness and starvation but they wanted to go again tomorrow which I thought would be a good idea so she didn't lose her mojo. 
After walking the dog, running 3 miles and helping them clean their room but going up and down to the basement about a billion times I decided not to ride today. Instead Lilly and I walked while she ride along. We started in Weat Falmouth this time because it was cooler and windier than yesterday. 

She was doing great and we decided to turn around and head back. She was far ahead and had intact crossed a dose by herself when she crashed. Now I could add sprinting to my day as Lilly and I flew to reach her. 
Poor kid. I pushed her bike the last half mile while she limped her scraped up body back to the car but I think she didn't lose her confidence. I told her shit happens but she did great. We will let the knee heal and bundle up and do it again as long as it doesn't snow. 

Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40