Saturday, January 4, 2014

The Idiot Epiphany

I am not really sure what is going on it my cosmos. I recently was in a black place for a really long time. Longer than I can remember ever before actually.
I'm better now and still making my way back.
I have been thinking a lot obviously because I don't want to feel lousy. So what is making me feel lousy would be a big topic.
I have explored some things on the Internet and am reading a bit.
I am learning lessons from my friends.
Some from recent events in my life.
Tonight was a key one.
After some interesting conversations with a friend I realize I am so tired of feeling like I am your plan B. Everyone's back up plan for that matter.
After much talking to myself ( I am so good at this) I began to think....I am the only person who can allow this to happen.
I am letting this happen!
When you throw my shit into 2nd, 3rd, 4th place I am the person that allows myself to stand in that place.
I am not trying to blame myself or add to my self doubt but it is a fact. I can walk out of line and give you the finger over my shoulder. 
I will admit that leaves me standing all by myself and that is scary and lonely sometimes but really the other choice is?
If I want to be someones plan B than fine so be it but I am no longer allowed to complain. I am holding my ticket and waiting and I am the idiot.
So there you have it, the Idiot Epiphany.
I am sure some people will read this and say Duh!!! but you know what we all need to figure out our own life and learn our own lessons. Obviously I slept though this one.
Another thing I am working on it not judging you and not giving a flying rats ass if you are judging me. My life, my choices.
I might get all this shit together and running smooth by the time I am 80. Watch out.

So from now on I will be the one handing out numbers....who wants to be my number 3??

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40
5/20/18 YPD Run to Remember 37.37 12:08