Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Let's stop the cycle at Ava

 There is no doubt that my daughters are the main focus of my life as with most of my friends. Great parents tend to hang together because we each understand the insanity involved.
Ava Flava is not a new topic in my life. I would not change her for anything but I would like a tweak-for her benefit and mine.
I have been talking with family and just plain thinking in my head about how funny it is the patterns that continue through families. My mother and her sister, my sister and I and now Olivia and Ava are like ditto, ditto, ditto and I intend on doing my best to break that cycle.
Not because I don't want her to be like her Aunt or Great Aunt but more because I see a pattern that I just don't like. The 2nd kid is sort of labeled and then the label seems to stick.
I will stop here and say I am having a hard time describing what I mean and I don't want t hurt anyone's feelings in my description but I want to explain as best I can. I can already hear myself doing the dance of keeping everyone happy. I am so darn good at that.
We will start by saying I have heard many a funny story about my Aunt and mother fighting and getting into trouble. Childhood is what you are going to say but most of the stories I hear are of my Aunt being blamed and assumptions made that she is the root of the problem.
Now jump 20 years to my sister. She would beat up kids who stole my toys when we were  little. Sound familiar? She was the tough one. I was the shy kid who was bullied and had no friends when I was my daughters age. Throughout my childhood I had huge expectations set on me and negative expectations were always there for my sister. Now as adults I think we both drowned under these ideas that were set many many years ago.
I will never be good enough.
My sister has ideas in her head that I can't even begin to explain as they are her own but I remember her being told she would never be smart because our dad wasn't-Mind you he said that to her.
For a short time I began to hear Ava say that she was in trouble or didn't behave because she was like her Dad.Oh Hell NO. I put the squash on that real quick. That is not a reason to misbehave and I will not start that pattern here.
She's tough I get it but she is sensitive and quirky and I will not allow her to lose that. It is an incredible mix.
I see kids come through this system at work all the time. I see them from good families and not so good families and I will admit I am terrified. It is not about your parents being married or divorced or the amount of money in your bank account but I truly believe it is about the messages that you teach them even in the smallest doses and at the youngest age. I do not want to lose my daughter to those negative messages. I want to give them the tools to kick ass in this World and add to society not be a victim of it.
I have focused on Olivia and getting care for her ADHD and anxiety and she is doing well. I am proud of her. Then I went to a place where I needed a break on taking on new mountains to climb.
Last night Olivia's therapist asked Olivia if she was Ok with him seeing Ava as a patient as well. She says Sure, you need to see her. LOL!! See what I mean?
So we will chat privately this month about Ava and I think we are ready. He is a family couch of sorts. He will help me be a better Mom and Ava to be the best kid she can. I will admit I am a little excited. She is so smart and I know she will do us all proud when we have the right tools.

when o us

No comments:

Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40
5/20/18 YPD Run to Remember 37.37 12:08