Friday, December 6, 2013

Shakin' out the crazy voices

As many of you know I always want to make myself better, learn from my mistakes and not repeat the mistakes made before me and around me. 
Yeah well guess what? That is a bummer. 
I have set rules for myself which are ridiculous but are so ingrained into my self that I just don't know how to rip them out, stomp on them and throw them out the door. 
I am starting to feel like it is cramping my style. 
I am at a point in my life where I hold the World in my hand and I can make whatever happen that I want. 
So on top of my last post or in conjunction with that I want to tackle this beast.
I don't know how to do it but I just saw a blog from a woman who supposedly writes about learning to love your not so thin body.I went to this blog and just laughed my ass off.
She swears, is funny and posts pictures of herself in her underwear. One of the first things I noticed was that I didn't think I would call her plus-sized and that my body looks like that. 
Is that my first step into loving this body that I am living in and hating?
I hope so. 
I also am making myself do all kinds of stuff that makes me uncomfortable. I am doing it silently except when I sit on Bonnie's couch and lay out all my crazy. I mean you have to do it or you will never get over these irrational fears that are really only in your head. 
I started it by going on a bunch of dates. Mostly because 1st dates made me almost plunge into a panic attack. Now I can do 1 date no problem but more than 2? Yeah, I am a 2 date queen right now. For 1 reason or another I can't get past 2 dates. So I have the unattached hiddy-ho chat down but anything more than clue.
So be ready because I want to get over this so I plan on laying out all the crazy right here until I can see what others see in me. I also need to say it out loud so I can hear how absolutely ridiculous the voices in my head really are. 
Goal for today is to do at least 3 things that make me uncomfortable. 
The first is to actually go on a 3rd date. The other 2 things are none of your business.......:)

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40
5/20/18 YPD Run to Remember 37.37 12:08