Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Flogging Myself

I will because I am sooooo very good at it.
I mean how many years have you all been reading these posts? So, why change the theme now right?
(Reading the sarcasm there? If not, maybe you should find another blog to read as this one is dripping in it)
Well anyway, The question of the day is this?
Why, oh why, can't I control the food? If you say just don't eat it I will smack you in the mouth. Try it really I dare you.
I am really not comfortable about talking about this in it's entirety. I mean everyone knows I had WLS, I love candy and oh isn't a cupcake the cutest thing in the world. In reality I am tormented everyday by my food addictions and I am sick of it.
I do not want to be owned by it and I feel weak due to the fact that I can not control it.
It is effecting my kids life. They know about the sleeping part. Oh Mom just ate something she shouldn't have so now she needs to rest for 30 minutes. Great a carb nod off.
But I do not think they understand the-as I call it-Carb Rage. I don't even understand it until it is over and I think WTF is wrong with you.
I am trying today and yesterday to weed out all the carbs-yes all that isn't a fruit or veggie. This seems extreme and when I say it to people they seem to think it is extreme but I think any rice, pasta, potato like starch just makes me want more.
Right now I am starving. There is no reason for this that I can find besides the fact that I have been a glutton lately and Cheez-its fill my mouth after dark.
I did well yesterday until about 10pm and then I filled my healthy body with handfuls of these devils. I awoke soaked in sweat. Great move asshole.
I don't know what this will do but maybe allow me to spew out some self-hate until I act instead of abuse myself.

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40