Saturday, July 23, 2016

Life sucks sometimes

This week I feel like Ava has been dealt some sucky ass life blows. Unfortunately I also don't want my kids to be little assholes so I stuck to my guns even though it felt like crap.
Earlier this week I had one of the toughest calls in a long time if ever. A kid was injured and we believed she would not make it. It hit me like a stone wall. I wanted to do everything I could to finish that call and help that little girl but I also needed to be holding onto my own kids. After work Ava says Mom let's get ice cream and I add a trip to the beach. I needed to get my head together. She of course is the only person who wants Dairy Queen and true to our family dynamic we do what she wants. She is nursing 2 cat scratches on her foot and it is ridiculous but she occasionally is playing the whole I can't walk, I can't wear shows, drama crap. When we get to DQ she starts. I say just come on bare foot, we aren't going inside or anything. Olivia and I walk over, stand in line( the whole time I am waving at the car like hurry up), we order and walk back to the car. Still moping. I finally, while she is bitching, say hurry up get out of the car, you're being ridiculous. She walks over and stands in line. Now mind you we are here all the time, ordering should be easy. When it finally gets called she steps back, no answer, whining about something. I say come on order, no words.
I walk away. Back to the car.
She is pissed. I get in with my ice cream and we walk drive away.
The explaining starts. I say you know what Av you always have to control a situation with your drama. I was at that window twice. I am over you being a pain in the ass. You had a chance.
I am thinking FFfffffff, I'll come back after the beach.
We go to the beach and she gets out of the car and walks away.....and I let her. You know what I didn't do anything wrong. She constantly has to control our family dynamic and I let her.
Eventually she comes up behind me and hugs me and says she is sorry. I can get a snack at home.
Typically I also spend a lot of time explaining my actions, justifying them.
These are kids and I don't have to do that.
So I said well you need to know that wasn't cool. Next time you should come and order when we do or you might miss out but it's over now and we aren't going to harp on it.
BOOM! How did I just do that?  I am hoping we all learn from that.
Yesterday she starts texting me in a panic. Apparently they collect items at Camp and put them in a large tub of lost and found. It is explained in the welcome paperwork that if you don't collect them they will be donated. Well we just found out they do that like WEEKLY! So some time in the last week she lost her favorite Avengers Sweatshirt and Fox shirt she bought at Normandy Farms.  I am not really believing it so when I go to pick her up I am told well we can't keep all this stuff. I am a little pissed. I never enter the building. You check them out at a table outside and they page the building. If I walked in I would be looking at the box and check it regularly like I did at school but you know what they have to be responsible too.
Most importantly was her text.

She realized her mistake but also says "other kids are enjoying them". Sad I know but she needs to learn to take responsibility for her stuff and I am also donating stuff saying other people aren't so lucky and could use some of the stuff we no longer need. I feel like this message shows she understands that even though she is upset by her loss.
In recent weeks both girls have repeated things to me that I never thought they heard. Please, please, please let my rants be forgiven and my daughters be good adults.
I am constantly dealing with both kids, "kids"( really adults with parents still wiping their asses) and parents who don't want their kids to take any accountability for their actions. I see a very scary world in the future. I really don't want them to grow up like that.
Now I see why my Mom says being a Nana is so much easier than being a Mom.
P.S. Nana We love you!

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40
5/20/18 YPD Run to Remember 37.37 12:08