Thursday, January 8, 2015

F.E.A.R.

Funny to say because the impression I get from people is they think I am tough and have none. Truth is I am scared most of the time.
In particular I am afraid to speak my mind. I know, I know, you think that is bullshit but really it's true.
I can tell you 15 ways from Sunday the dead pan truth about so many things except when it comes to my personal needs.  Strange.
I think it is getting better and I really think when some of these last doors I have locked open my life will change dramatically but at this point I am still trying keys and none have worked.
Today I had to contact my landlord and I am beside myself with anxiety. I am behind on my rent and I just feel like I am in no position to ask them for anything but the furnace issues are just getting worse to the point that the radiators aren't even warming up upstairs and it was 59 this morning. I understand it is a record cold day but it seems if the thermostat is at 68 I should be burning oil like a hurricane to try to attain that. Nope. Downstairs was a balmy 62.
Out loud I think I am behind but I have a right to have heat.
In my belly I feel like a knot that could tie up a cruise ship.
I have sent the text just curious about the furnace and now I wait.
I do this in personal relationships too. I am practicing the don't ask, don't tell philosophy. LOL! I know that will help me get a good solid relationship right?
Well hopefully this year will afford me some more growing because I have some so far but still have road to go.

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40