I am a part of a support group online for Weight Loss Surgery people that had surgery more than 3 years ago. 3 years seems to be a magic time when the weight isn't just falling off and real life is just coming back into the equation. I remember when I realized it and then my own life imploded. I decided to get therapy, feel all these feelings and focus on healing. I gained 40 lbs in the process but it needed to happen. Well not need but I had to focus on my family and so I went back to the things I know soothed me and I put myself to bed many nights in a food coma. I'm an addict of sorts so if it wasn't alcohol, it was frosted.
Fast forward to a woman who is coming up on her 8 year anniversary. I have 35 of the 40 lbs off and just today started a plan to run a 10 mile race on June 7th.
So back to this group. Seems like everyone is battling this self hate. Ugly body. I would be beautiful if only....
The same statements that were probably made before they had surgery. After I lost 135 lbs I still didn't think I was beautiful or worth any thing. So how is a flat stomach and perk boobies going to do that?
Now flash to today. I had a conversation with a man and it was interesting. I heard what he had to say and talked freely about my body like I never have. I am really becoming okay with it. I mean I am working on a goal because I want to get strong both physically and mentally. My belly isn't going to go away and in fact as the exercise helps me lose weight the boobies get worse but I get better.
I came upon this photo and it struck me that this is exactly true for me. Running is just as important therapy as appointments where I talk. I work things out in my head. My body gets stronger and I prove to myself that I can do what ever crazy crap I put my mind to and in return I learn that I am worth a lot, like a ton. I have settled for what this life has handed me and just sucked it up but I don't have to do that. I can say No, thank you and pass. I need, want and will have better. It's like running hills, I may have to work hard, bear down and breath hard but I will get there.
I am happy to feel myself change and evolve and become a healthier person. Today was just one of those days where I recognized it as maybe moving to the next level.