Monday, April 1, 2013

I am Fooseberry

I guess this title is just what it says.
Do you have any idea what I am capable of? Anything I put my mind to.
Lately it is more about what I DON"T put my mind to.
I am not trying to lose weight although I am above the amount I was never going to allow myself to get to. I might someday but right now I am trying to love me as I am so I bought bigger jeans and just stopped hating. Some people find booty attractive. ;)
Rumor has it that I am pretty terrific and I am going to believe this rumor. Some rumors actually are true you know?
At this moment I am realizing that I have done everything I said I was going to do when Earl left. I am not a "date" person but I do know that Tuesday it will be 3 years since the day he left our family. I remember thinking what the fuck am I going to do now? I did not fight it or try to convince him to stay. I just cried for what seems like ever and ever.
Since that day I have done everything that I could to take care of my family and I think I can say I am doing it!
We survived the divorce. The kids are happy and we have a decent relationship.
I was so scared when I decided I had no choice but to lose everything. I had no idea I would gain so much more once I dumped the loans, the stuff and the stress.
Now I love the place that we live. It is a place that I hope we can stay in for a long time but if something happens I also know I will figure it out.
I have probably talked about all of these things many times here but I just really want to acknowledge them in my head. In my words to myself.
I have never given myself credit for anything. As a kid I was always not good enough so that is killing me as an adult. I will always counter a job well done with the smallest part that I failed at. Instead of the 80% done well, I will focus on the 20% not done. That needs to change.
It is an incredible feeling to be proud of myself so I plan to continue. I want to add healthy goals and dump goals that are self defeating.
I'm thinking a new goal to work on.........Disney World.

P.S. I just scrolled down and read my last post. I sounded a little desperate and I was. I am happy to report the money issue has improved. Money may not make the world go round but it does keep the lights on and oil in the tank. It is still a work in progress but I am learning from the mistakes. What else can I do?

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40