Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Emotional Overload

As I sat in the Doctor's waiting room with my child who was hurt and holding onto my own emotions behind a smile for her I was shocked by a running news report about a horrific school shooting in Connecticut.
That school was the exact age of my own children and they were gunned down in a place where they should be safe.
I kept my daughter busy so she would not have to see this news and focused on taking care of her hurt little wing. Off to school she went after.
When I returned to work I was glued to the TV for information about what the Hell had happened.
I was stunned, numb and amazed by what transpired on the news channels.
I barely watched all weekend. I couldn't.
Between the overtime shifts, my own discomfort with not being there to care for my daughter when she was hurt and the thought of those innocent children killed I buried myself in my kids this weekend. They slept in my bed and I hugged and kissed them all weekend. My house is dirty, the laundry is not folded and the car needs vacuuming but I was told by Ava at the beach-Mom, this is the best day ever. That is all I live for.

Now it is a few days later and I am just plain angry.
Peoples reactions in my view are just out of control. I respect that you have your right to your opinion but please do not make my life crazy because of it.
I really do not think that we can make our lives 100% safe. There is no way to predict evil or crazy or both.
I also think that on any given day fate can hit you directly in your heart and soul.
I am afraid, for sure, but I refuse to live in fear.
There are a few things I did learn in the last week.
Life is precious. The big things are usually small when compared to others who are struggling.
I vow to love my kids everyday with my whole entire being.
I can lose them at any second due to a plane, a car, a bomb, an illness, a gunshot or an accident that I can't prevent. If I try to shield them from all of these things I will raise 2 terrified girls who don't experience life. If I allow them, as well as myself, to life their lives to the fullest and they are taken away I know I have done everything I can to give them the best life I can.
It is sad to have to think this way but it is the world we live in.
My hope is that this tragedy brings attention to the lack of services available to those with mental illness. That is what needs to be addressed more than the pointing of fingers in the news, government and gun industry.

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40
5/20/18 YPD Run to Remember 37.37 12:08