Tuesday, May 15, 2012

It is official. I am in full blown meltdown mode right now.
I am thinking it is a culmination of stress, stress I am trying to pretend is not a big deal and the feeling that more stress is to come and I am at my max right now. When I tell people a little of what is going on in my life they always say WOW. I belittle it. No biggy. It isn't as bad as it sounds. It will work out. It is no big thing.

I can say all the things you are going to say so please just allow me the blog explosion and keep the rainbow and sunshine responses about how it is all going to work out. Because you know how it would have worked out? If I had just been able to keep everything the way it was.

To add insult to injury I just got turned down for another place due to my fantastically low credit rating. How bad can it be? I just paid $13 for a smack across my face and after the humilation of the bancruptcy I still have things on the credit reports, a stray car loan or credit card that isn't even in my name. If one more person says that is the same situation that alot of people are in or it will work out or some other fucking nicy-nice I think someone will be leaving in an ambulance.I am pretty much on the verge of telling people where to go and it will hurt. So stepping out of my way may be a good safety plan kids.

I do not want to live in these places, I do not want to feel like a piece for shit, I am a better person than what I have allowed my life to become.
Where do I put this anger? I do not know. So here it is,on these pages for me to read and cry about, laugh about and remember the pain of in a few years. Awesome. Just what I want to do.

I need to walk away from this for a little while.

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40