It is official. I am in full blown meltdown mode right now.
I am thinking it is a culmination of stress, stress I am trying to pretend is not a big deal and the feeling that more stress is to come and I am at my max right now. When I tell people a little of what is going on in my life they always say WOW. I belittle it. No biggy. It isn't as bad as it sounds. It will work out. It is no big thing.

I can say all the things you are going to say so please just allow me the blog explosion and keep the rainbow and sunshine responses about how it is all going to work out. Because you know how it would have worked out? If I had just been able to keep everything the way it was.

To add insult to injury I just got turned down for another place due to my fantastically low credit rating. How bad can it be? I just paid $13 for a smack across my face and after the humilation of the bancruptcy I still have things on the credit reports, a stray car loan or credit card that isn't even in my name. If one more person says that is the same situation that alot of people are in or it will work out or some other fucking nicy-nice I think someone will be leaving in an ambulance.I am pretty much on the verge of telling people where to go and it will hurt. So stepping out of my way may be a good safety plan kids.

I do not want to live in these places, I do not want to feel like a piece for shit, I am a better person than what I have allowed my life to become.
Where do I put this anger? I do not know. So here it is,on these pages for me to read and cry about, laugh about and remember the pain of in a few years. Awesome. Just what I want to do.

I need to walk away from this for a little while.