Tuesday, January 4, 2011

How to be a Mama 101

1st I would like to say-Don't you hate to write a perfect post that brought tears to your own eyes and have Blogger fucking hiccup and lose it all. Thanks, now lets try this again.

I decided I wanted to have more of this ^ and less of this V going on in the Berry house.

So I signed up for a parenting class-More importantly Positive Discipline and Effective Communication class.
So you are trying to say that my most recent communication of screaming at my kids isn't positive or effective?? Exactamento!
Recently I have been doing things and saying things that I am not proud of.  I feel like I am off the path of Good Momihood and I need someone to drop some freaking bread crumbs and get me out of these dark woods. I AM LOST! The divorce is happening in a couple of weeks and some days it is still crappy but the fact is I need to get my shit together and be the best damn Mother to these kids that I can.
I have been working on my loud voice and have decreased it about 1000%. I am standing by ground with the rules and only offering minimal options for them. I have been told repeatedly that I allow them to walk over me and then I am upset when they don't listen. Funniest part about this whole thing-They have been the best in the last 2 weeks than they have almost ever been. I have been trying really hard to work on praising the actions that I want which is creating a circle in the positive instead of the negative. They listen, I praise, they do it again and then I smile and I do it again. Holy Cow this shit works! Well for today anyway. One day at a time.
So in the next 4 weeks I am hoping to learn some tools to help me along the way. I was happy to hear that a few of the things I have been working on were suggestions for us.
1. Praise the good so they know what actions you are looking for. Working on that! Next....
2. Dinner table. This definitely made me smile. Monday after taking the rest of the Christmas stuff down I specifically made an effort to get the kitchen organized and the table cleared. Surprisingly, it is not a coat rack and mail holder. There is a family space under there. When we were kids we always ate at home and at the table together. One of us would set and the other would clear and wash dishes. We always had a table cloth or place mats and real napkins. My Mom would cook dinner and we were happy to help clean up after she did all that for us. I didn't realize how important that was to me until we did it Monday night. They were excited by the changes in furniture but not too happy to find out they were eating at the table-Why? Because we can sit together and have dinner. So before I know it Olivia is madly taking items and setting the table. So it is paper plates and napkins,it is a different generation now, but she was proud of her work and helped until we all sat together, I had to sit at the head and they both scooted to the very ends so we could all sit next to each other. We dripped tacos all over the place and we shared napkins and I explained it was OK that she spilled on her shirt. Most importantly it was the best time I have had in a while. I enjoyed my kids.
So tomorrow we will do it again. No TV and no arguments-just pot roast and plastic Sponge Bob plates and hopefully some giggles. She said if we can make this a priority than hopefully when they get older they will come back to the dinner table to seek our help instead of some of the other options that teenagers are doing now a days. God, I hope so.
She also made an analogy I loved. We should wake up everyday with the goal of being a terrific Mom, doing the best job that we can, so good that Oprah calls and invites us on her last show of the year-Woot!! But in reality some days the only person at your door at the end of the day will be Jerry Springer. Don't I know it.
Our life has changed so dramatically in the last 9 months and in 2 weeks we will end another chapter.
It is time to put them back on the list-at the top.
It was easy to make them but it is a very hard job to maintain the life that they deserve. I truly believe they can do anything they want if I can just give them the right tools.
So for now, they go to school and so do I.


Barry said...

Two thumbs up for this post. I need to say nothing else.

Gia's Spot said...

Late to the table, as usual (no pun intended!) Great job! Time together is a reward in itself!! You got this !!

Melting Mama said...


Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40
5/20/18 YPD Run to Remember 37.37 12:08