Divorce Class

Last night was the 1st of 2 classes I need to take before I can file for divorce. Don't misunderstand the photo to think my heart is broken over it, it is not. Well, my heart is broken over parts of it which I will explain.
1st I will say that I think when you decide to get a divorce you should be advised to take the course-not wait until you are ready to file like I am. I would have liked to know that what I was feeling and doing was normal and I did not need a padded room.
One of the hand-outs was of an onion with all it's layers and it described all the different parts of divorce. Gee, if you hadn't thought of a part of your life divorce would touch they threw it right out there for you. Bye, Bye Old Life. I have felt it in most of these areas myself already and it is normal.
It also talked about flashbacks which most people think of as a bad memory like a reminder of Vietnam or a bad car crash. Instead they talked about good flashbacks and I have done this as well. I was confused by this at first and tried to tell myself it was wrong to feel this way and explain it away. See I understand my marriage is over but I still mourn the fact that I will not be doing family oriented things the same way I have done them in the past. Again this is all normal.
Lately I have also been feeling like I could be a bit manic-like my life is a roller coaster. Sometimes I am in a cave and then I am so high I need a Psych evaluation. Before you get all crazy yourself-not in a unsafe way just like emotionally. I go from I will never be able do this on my own to I am going to take up rock climbing-woo-hoo I can conquer the world. Oh and again I learned this is normal.
The best part, which I never expected them to talk about, was taking care of yourself. I have been focusing on the kids as the #1,2,3,4,5....things on my list like nothing else matters but you know what? I can't take care of them if I don't take care of me. I have also done this, for most of their lives. It may be a major reason why my marriage suffered. It was always about them and rarely about us.
Now onto the better part~
We are doing pretty good. We are practicing what they call cooperative parenting. The rules are mostly the same in both houses. Even when I think he is a dink and he thinks I am a bitch we put that aside and we still talk about homework, bedtime and weekend plans for the girls. We have done group birthday parties (1 was 2 weeks after he left), parent teacher conferences and other events with each others families. Do I think it will be smooth sailing forever? No, we haven't even touched the teenage years or drivers licenses. Lord help me!
 I also know at some point there will be the revealing of new partners in each of our lives. I know it exists but when will I be ready to sit at a family party with all of us together? I do not know.I just hope that someday we can do this amicably for the kids because again it is all about them.
All in all, it is a road-long and bumpy and I am stuck driving driving it in 1st gear. Sorry if you have been in my path during some of the crappy parts of my trip but I assure you I am headed to the right place and will be a better person when I get there.