Friday, October 8, 2010

Divorce Class

Last night was the 1st of 2 classes I need to take before I can file for divorce. Don't misunderstand the photo to think my heart is broken over it, it is not. Well, my heart is broken over parts of it which I will explain.
1st I will say that I think when you decide to get a divorce you should be advised to take the course-not wait until you are ready to file like I am. I would have liked to know that what I was feeling and doing was normal and I did not need a padded room.
One of the hand-outs was of an onion with all it's layers and it described all the different parts of divorce. Gee, if you hadn't thought of a part of your life divorce would touch they threw it right out there for you. Bye, Bye Old Life. I have felt it in most of these areas myself already and it is normal.
It also talked about flashbacks which most people think of as a bad memory like a reminder of Vietnam or a bad car crash. Instead they talked about good flashbacks and I have done this as well. I was confused by this at first and tried to tell myself it was wrong to feel this way and explain it away. See I understand my marriage is over but I still mourn the fact that I will not be doing family oriented things the same way I have done them in the past. Again this is all normal.
Lately I have also been feeling like I could be a bit manic-like my life is a roller coaster. Sometimes I am in a cave and then I am so high I need a Psych evaluation. Before you get all crazy yourself-not in a unsafe way just like emotionally. I go from I will never be able do this on my own to I am going to take up rock climbing-woo-hoo I can conquer the world. Oh and again I learned this is normal.
The best part, which I never expected them to talk about, was taking care of yourself. I have been focusing on the kids as the #1,2,3,4,5....things on my list like nothing else matters but you know what? I can't take care of them if I don't take care of me. I have also done this, for most of their lives. It may be a major reason why my marriage suffered. It was always about them and rarely about us.
Now onto the better part~
We are doing pretty good. We are practicing what they call cooperative parenting. The rules are mostly the same in both houses. Even when I think he is a dink and he thinks I am a bitch we put that aside and we still talk about homework, bedtime and weekend plans for the girls. We have done group birthday parties (1 was 2 weeks after he left), parent teacher conferences and other events with each others families. Do I think it will be smooth sailing forever? No, we haven't even touched the teenage years or drivers licenses. Lord help me!
 I also know at some point there will be the revealing of new partners in each of our lives. I know it exists but when will I be ready to sit at a family party with all of us together? I do not know.I just hope that someday we can do this amicably for the kids because again it is all about them.
All in all, it is a road-long and bumpy and I am stuck driving driving it in 1st gear. Sorry if you have been in my path during some of the crappy parts of my trip but I assure you I am headed to the right place and will be a better person when I get there.

1 comment:

Bonnie said...

First gear beats the hell out of neutral...or reverse.

Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40