Sunday, June 13, 2010

Night Posting

I think Night Posting is akin to Drunk posting. It may need to be deleted in the morning.
I am having a rough night. It started out as a good day that included a nice nap. This has lead to me still being up and doing laundry and housework until the early A.M.
I am thinking.
I am better not thinking. While I scrub the bathroom I start t think about just how tired I am of the guilty feelings all the time. I wish I was a better mother, housekeeper, bill payer and obviously wife. How do you get over this? How do people just learn to say - What the fuck ever?
Will my questions ever be answered about the mistakes I have made? Or will the desperate need to know eventually fade?
I want to be strong.

2 comments:

Live/Love/Life said...

Even if it didn't feel as if your world was crashing down right now, you would be wondering the same things. It is intensified by the stressors that you are going through. Be strong and you know we are all here for you whether you want us to be or not. You are an amazing person, mother and I am sure you were wife as well. The other things are trivial. Learn from the past and proceed with the present and future. Things that have happened recently have NO reflexion on you. It is what it is (was) and things were traveling down a certain path. It just SUCKS because you were sideswiped. I KNOW down time is the most difficult and that is why you stay busy. We always joked about how similiar a certain two people were but in reality we are as well. Just remember (it's ok to cry). It sucks and we don't like doing it, but sometimes it has to be done. Also as far as you wanting to be strong, YOU ARE THE STONGEST PERSON I KNOW~ seriously. I don't think you know how amazing you are.
<3

Anonymous said...

It won't be like this forever. Not alot of time has passed since this all started...It just seems like it. Life is school. You can't be expected to get every test right 100 percent of the time every time. sometimes we fail....But learning from that is the lesson. You just ride out the storm,pick yourself up and move on to the next lesson.

Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40