Grateful.....

Happy Thanksgiving!
I am working today and then spending the evening with my closest peeps for dinner. It couldn't be a better way to spend the day, well maybe if I got to cook all the deliciousness but it's just as good to have my Mom do it. I'm happy that she can have us all at her house. I'm also very grateful that she agreed to make her homemade broccoli and cheese sauce for me.
Small things are so very important.
Today I decided to put some dates in my head so I back tracked through by blog because it was my lifelog for so long.
First of all I found I have been hiking for approximately 3 years. It started with a trip to Acadia in October of 2014. Wow, that was fun, then I went back to running. I decided to try hiking solo because I really wanted to get back to it but didn't have any friends into it. That Christmas my Mom gave me an AMC membership so I joined a group hike. A too big group hike which lead me back to hiking alone.
And away I went. Baby steps through some peaks in Massachusetts and Southern NH and then what the hell kind of shit like Franconia Ridge Loop after only hiking for maybe a year.
Since then I have hiked 28 of the 48 4000 Footers of the White Mountains. I spent a week hiking all over Acadia. I have checked off many smaller peaks and found some great local spots when time and life kept me busy.
I also noted that I dabbled in running from year to year. I ran a 10 miler in 2015 and the Falmouth Road Race a few times during this time as well.
I have also had a few health kicks to the gut which completely side lined me for a couple of months 3 separate times. God, those were frustrating!
Most importantly is I have a terrific family which I for the most part raise and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love to see them grow into little adults. I hope to pass on my love of life and not my previous scars and fears. I hope they grasp life with the excitement I now have. We have a great life. We love to camp and I love that we do it all-3 girls killing it without any help.  We adventure whenever we can.

Why am I listing all of these things? I am so uncomfortable about anything I have accomplished that I don't even like using that word. Although this is the abridged version of a jammed pack 3 years I am struck by the sheer volume of life that it involves. It is huge. We have done huge things. I have done huge things, yet while scrolling I was sad to find years of posts where I spoke truthfully but painfully about my inadequacies. My lists of things that I needed to work on.

I did find this:

I am not saying that I wouldn't want to have experienced my last 18 months as I learned a great amount of stuff and had some fun but I will never think less of myself or my needs. I will never deny or question that feeling in my belly. I will never be afraid to speak my feelings for fear of your reaction. I will never be afraid to walk away.

It is sort of amazing when you decide to be queen of your own castle. 

Tomorrow I am venturing out with a group of women I don't know in 0 degree weather to climb a mountain. 4 years ago I NEVER would have done this. I am excited by my life, scared shitless too but it wouldn't be fun if I wasn't a little scared. 

So although these posts make me sad I needed to do it to get here. To this great place in my castle that I built.