Lately I feel inundated with examples of the World just not minding their business and letting people live their life. I appreciate that you have an ideal that you think is life but that doesn't mean it is mine. If I choose to live differently that does not make me weird, a moon bat, dumb, unsafe, Democratic/Republican or any number of other derogatory words. ( Just a few examples of adjectives I've seen used)
Add to that a person who is not so concrete in her IDGAF and things can get interesting.
A recent personal experience was the one that opened my eyes a little bit more.
Let me first say that the man I was speaking to did not in any way make these feelings come out because he was rude or disrespectful but nevertheless the lesson was learned.
So I am carrying on in my own freakish, silly, sarcastic way and all of a sudden he says " Wait a minute, you are loosing me. Are we talking about A or B?"
( I'm not explaining A or B as it was personal but you get the jist)
I quickly stumble and start to feel uncomfortable.
Oh wait, let me tuck all this weird me back in. I didn't realize I had let so much out and was showing you who I really was. It'll just take a sec and a couple of apologies.
Later that evening I am working on my new (epic, can't wait to post about it) puzzle and analyzing it like only I can.
Well, he was nice and funny and cute. That was a shame. I assume he's shaking his head and won't be using my phone number any time soon. Trust me this has happened to me more than once.
But I'm not a total self mutilator because I also think Hey, someday you'll find your freak girlfriend, don't you worry.
Hey, did you know people sometimes just don't text back because they are out to dinner with a friend? Yeah, that can happen. :)
Now I begin to turn this negative thinking around. It slowly kills my spirit to still have feelings like this about myself. I know it takes time but I will keep weeding out these thoughts and reversing them. Like rooting out a weed.
And I even cry just a little because the sad reality is I will lose many more people like this man and it is not because there is anything wrong with me but if I were to stuff all my weird back in to be what I think is the proper woman I will be killing my spirit with incredible speed. Like Lightning.
And then I think~
Being different is sometimes very hard. Standing in this World naked with just your luggage takes courage. You may think your bags are packed a little more than others, a little messier, they have a few too many flashy stickers on them and maybe they are a little worn out but they are yours and they are full of some awesome shit.
I am not sure where this World ( I blame it on religion but I won't go there) got the idea and taught us that if we don't see, do, eat, think, whatever like everyone else we are strange.....or even different.
Though this post I now see more and more that the words I sometimes use to describe myself are self-depreciating. I do this without even a thought, it is ingrained so deep.
So instead I will push ahead with my ideas about life. This is my gospel.
1. Eat real food, the fake crap is what is your problem.
2. Exercise, you are dying on your couches.
3. Get outside. It is therapy and there is no co-pay. ( Ok, so I spend a lot of money but you don't have to)
4. Cell phones, TV, Video games and the Internet are killing our conversations. God, I miss good conversations. When was the last time you shared your dreams with someone?
5. Texting is killing our relationships.
6. Mental Health is a real thing. It affects us physically more than we will ever be able to prove and it deserves a shit ton more of our attention than we give it. Get help, don't be ashamed. Find your therapy because it comes in endless forms.
7. Get your groove on. Whatever way you can that makes your heart full of joy, even if you have to do it alone.