Last month I grabbed this board in a half-ass attempt to get something written down. Like an inspiration, a record, a kick start-Who knows. As you can see it didn't go as planned. I was joking really when I failed to follow a good eating plan on the 10th. Ava was there when I wrote those things and she tried to bolster me up.
It didn't really occur to me until my sister saw it and texted me something about my "loser board". I said oh no worries it will be a winner board when I re-do it for August.
I went back and looked at it the other day to do August even though it is half over and thought WOW!
This is how hard I am on myself on the inside. This is what I presented to my kids, even in a joking manner it is not a lesson I want them to learn.
August doesn't show any exercise but I climbed a couple mountains, camped a little, passed my physical agility test for the police department and maintained a weight and diet that makes me happy.
For a long time I have been struggling with this. First hard thing is turning the tide in the right direction. I am now very aware of the addiction with food. It tells me things when I am doing wrong. I can actually feel my brain function change when I am not consuming sugar but I can also hear the demons telling me I can turn around from just a small dalliance into sin-town. ( which is so not true by the way) It is more than just eating the right food but having the right thoughts and will power when the food is not on task.
I had an issue with dinner tonight and threw away a burger without eating any. I resorted to 2 spoonfuls of peanut butter and an apple and went to bed. I acknowledge this is not a great choice and that better planning needs to happen when working overtime.
I am still reeling from a month long binge that started at Christmas last year and has come and gone since. Go figure!
I will say this time I am thinking long and hard about the why's associated as to more deeply fix this besides just putting a certain food in my mouth because "I am supposed to". I don't like being told what to do and that is exactly how I started looking at it.
Like a 6 year old.
Why can't I just eat Cheez-its like a normal fucking person?? Stomps away to kitchen....
The truth is I am a freaking machine right now. I feel good, I am not stressed out (for the most part), my kids and I are doing well with minimal yelling (carb-anger is a very real thing in my life).
Today I am embarking on day 24.
With spaghetti squash in hand, I can conquer the World.