Monday, November 16, 2015

Don't Judge me!

Pardon me while I write and think about a title.
Tomorrow my family is lucky enough to go and see Elf the musical at the Wang Center. I believe such a beautiful place deserves us to be dressed beautifully as well. Cape Cod and kids seem to water down our fanciness sometimes. I explained to the girls that we were all going to dress up for this show and immediately the bickering with Ava. I was not allowing the same dress for the last 2 years to come out again.
I took her to Walmart knowing this would be a one time wearing and it wasn't worth a big purchase. 3 dresses went into the dressing room. It was painful to watch. I fought back the tears. She looked miserable and I felt miserable making her wear something she hated. The only dress she liked wasn't big enough. Finally I just quit.
As I was preparing to leave I took her with me to the boys section. We all know she basically wears boys clothes every day. She was thrilled to pick out a button down shirt in a beautiful blue with a tie and navy dress pants. I was very uncomfortable about this and I am sure you think it is because of the sex of the clothes but honestly it was more about the size.

I am sad for my round little girl. The pants are a husky and I hate that. The shirt is an XL and I hate that. I am more afraid that she dresses like this for her size and I hate that.
I am not sure how she feels about her body and am I so afraid to approach the subject because I hated and still hate my body and I am terrified that she will feel this way too.
In the end she looked beautiful. Forget the clothes but for the smile. She said I will tell everyone " Don't judge me!" So I told her they shouldn't because she looked great. "Well of course it is Gummy Shark Blue and I really love the tie. Now I will be able to help my husband with his tie because I know how to wear one."
I also cry because she is fucking awesome. She is marching to another drummer....her own damn drummer and I never want to squash that.
But the weight. I need to address that. I asked if we could talk a little and she said no so I know she knows. I put her on the scale for my knowledge and took it away never saying a word. It is a number that shocked me.
I later talked quietly about how I would like to work on being healthier. Because I love her. She asked how we would do that and I said maybe trying new foods to expand her knowledge of fruits and veggies. She said I eat too much sugar and I agreed. I said some things she ate were not great choices and I listed fun snacks I knew she liked as replacements. Not No ice cream but maybe once a week and she said how about an apple the rest of the week. She also asked for the treadmill so she could run.
Honestly I am not sure how to do this but for a long while I have struggled with the disconnect of the food I eat and the food they eat. I need to get her to exercise. She has no stamina to keep up with Olivia and I over maybe 3/4 mile walking.
She should not be this overweight with her parents history.
I am so sorry Ava.

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40
5/20/18 YPD Run to Remember 37.37 12:08