Sunday, August 9, 2015

White Knuckling

A friend of mine posted in an online group I am a part of that she was messaged and attacked by a woman for being overweight yet pushing us to eat clean, take vitamins and drink water. She actually called her a liar. I call her a realist. 
This, in my current emotional state, pissed me off probably more than it should have but it also prompted some inner thought for me. 
I have been hanging on by a thread most days. I get close to normal for my days off and then I am back to the dredges of Hell come Monday which is essentially my Friday. This weekend is one of the worst. 
In any case I am sitting here thinking which I have had so much trouble with lately-clear thinking is not so easy right now. 
I think I am just trying to live. I know that may sound dramatic but I mean it in the most simplistic way actually. I have been toying around with this thought and not sure what it means and not sure I am ready to do it completely but I believe it is a process that I must start. 
For example-I am trying to eat healthy but worried if am I eating a rainbow, enough fiber, the wrong type of diet, too much butter, too much bacon? Sigh, a magazine article can cause me to feel overwhelmed . Must buy Kale!!!
I am not running enough, what is a fartlek and why aren't I going to track training to learn? 
Why are you not the Superhero that media says you should be to be a great Mom? 
Am I explaining it clearly? Not sure but what I am getting at is I believe it is time for me to learn and really believe that I am already a Superhero in my own little world even if I am not a super athlete, not a very good vampire or if I have a donut in my hand. I am not a failure if I ebb and flow in this life. I make the rules. 
Funny but just as I believe Facebook is the bane to my existence I also follow some pages that inspire me. 
This is what I just found there. 

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40
5/20/18 YPD Run to Remember 37.37 12:08