Thursday, October 16, 2014

What could possibly happen?

Once again I find myself needing to vent, not knowing where to take it and then being too distracted at work to sit and write properly. This has allowed me to think about what I want to write therefore thinking it though.
The end result is pretty much this.
Stop being angry and go back to doing what ever the fuck you want.
You are going to share your opinion about how this is not a good decision for me. I listen and then still do what ever the fuck I want.
No one ever said I had to follow someone else's rules. I don't know why I think that. Rooted in the please don't be mad at me way of thinking I learned as a child I guess.
I seriously feel  like slowly but surely I am unraveling this big knot of fucked up that is inside me. Recently a big part has loosened and that is good but there is still work to be done and every once in a while I pull and it tightens back up.
I am looking at life like this-I don't want to be afraid of being hurt. I may miss some awesome shit being too safe. I might actually learn some stuff from being hurt. Don't you have to actually tear a muscle for it to heal and be stronger?
I remember the day my ex walked out the door. I wasn't afraid of losing him, I was afraid I couldn't do it without him. Little did I know I was already doing most of it without him and I survived.
I walked into the bankruptcy office and that lawyer said "How are you going to walk away from it all? You have a family in that house."  My answer to him was you take care of the business part and I have a therapist for the rest. I walked away from it and I survived.
I now have a pretty rad life. I have some incredible people in it. I may have some unconventional friendships but they work for me so why the Hell not.
What I also clearly have to work on not talking about stuff with people that don't support me.
Pirate Status!

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40
5/20/18 YPD Run to Remember 37.37 12:08