Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Really??


Yesterday I got this super awesome ( insert heavy sarcasm) tidbit of info about my life that I didn't know.
Apparently my Mother pays for half the shit in my life. She would be doing better financially if it wasn't for all the help she gives me.
Really?
That's funny because I thought that I have a fucking fantastic job that pays well. Oh and I thought my Midnight overtime and 16 hour shifts were paying my bills.
The only thing I get for free is childcare so I can work those shifts and I am incredibly grateful for the family support that allows me to do that.
Hmmm, this is so funny and infuriating because
A. I work my ass off.
B. You do not.
C. It's a lie.
Taking a deep breathe as my anger returns....
Then I remember what is important. I know who pays my bills. My kids know who takes care of them and hopefully they learn to work hard for what they want and need.
You are jealous and that is a horrible emotion to live with each day. If you had an amazing life like I do you wouldn't care about who is buying my peanut butter because I don't care about how you are.
I am sad that this is a topic and not the beauty in my children, the food I cook, dreaded homework, the area we live in, the excitement for Halloween, Olivia's drawing, Ava's singing voice, bike riding, kite flying, heart rock collecting, dreams about Christmas, Disney and wearing high heels. These are the things that occupy our daily life.
I am also sad that I do not have a family like the one I have always dreamed of having. One I could lean on and get support from. One that isn't in competition with me but walking along side me like a team. One that does what they say they will both to my face and behind my back.
I will continue to live as an independent soul in a large family. I will not stay angry but I will remember yet again how I am forced to stand alone yet be condemned for my strength to do so.

2 comments:

Chris Bakunas said...

This...I like this! Very strong, very...assertive w/o being hostile.

mittens said...

lemme guess, and tell me if Im wrong--someone in the family is jealous of you, and is trying to make you feel substandard, possibly believes that you couldnt possibly be doing as well as you seem to be, not without Mother's help...

you sound just fine to me, just dont let it get to you. there will be, as you know, always someone who wants you to mess up, so they can feel better about themselves.

Assertive, for sure. And keep the anger, just dont let it own you...

Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40