Thursday, July 3, 2014

THAT IS NOT THE WAY I ROLL.

It's been a week.
I just re-read my last post to see how I felt in comparison.
I am angry. I feel like he hurt me with joke on Saturday that we obviously disagree was not a joke. I have not spoken to him again except to explain that I didn't think it was a joke, the more he explained it it just seemed to be more of a dig and so I am really hurt now.
I have changed my mind about making mistakes.
I did.
I stayed when I wasn't being treated the way I want to be treated. I let him do things, although mild, that I wasn't comfortable with. I also didn't express this so I just let it happen to me and that was wrong.
I need to trust my own needs and feelings. I found somethings he said disrespectful and instead of saying Hey dickhead what is that? I tried to roll with it. That lead to a growing sense of discomfort in the end.
Why am I still doing this?
Try that shit outside of a relationship and I will lay it out there for you. I would probably lay it out flat like a map right now if I could but instead I just chalked it up to a problem with me. I need to be more tolerant, more open, more light heart, more..... I don't know. More open to taking your shit is what it ended up being.
This is not a hate it is a lesson.
I will not do that again.
Hey Idiot-IT IS OK TO SAY THAT IS NOT THE WAY I ROLL.
In any case, it has been a rough week. It is one of the busiest of the year I would say on the day shift. I need to continue to be a Mom and hey let's try to handle some personal shit like this.
I haven't had the sufficient time to cry, think about it and them forgive it and move on. I woke up after a dream the other night feeling a little clearer (forgot what that was exactly now) and I have been having a few pops of clarity then that is mowed over by lack of money and stress of managing the house.
Hey, life is never boring around here.


No comments:

Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40