So I walked into Counseling this week with 2 dreams and a few words.
1. Speak you mind and tell people what you want, need, desire. Yeah that isn't changing today but we will add that to the list of works in progress.
2.Finalize the extraction of Mr. FB from my life. It has been 4 years and I have left a few things in place out of fear and responsibility and it is time for them to go. Actually, I just paused my typing to make a phone call about one of those issues right now. I am standing my ground. I have been talked out of it many times and that isn't going to be the case this time.
The other things are in the paperwork pipeline. Done and done.
It isn't about the money, well a little about the money because I just feel like I am allowing him to take advantage of me just a little bit each and every month.
3. Doing things "Because I want/don't want to". She basically gave me the Duh!!! but for me this is not so easy. I have this invisible thing about just putting up with stuff because I think I have to. Don't ask why there are 100's of reasons depending on the topic at hand.
On a side note a friend tells me not to argue it or explain it.
Phew, that is a tough one. I feel like I should explain, defend, convince or get your opinion.
Yeah, No. That is how I got talked out of doing things before.
That is how I continue to foster this idea that my ideas aren't good enough so maybe if my 3 friends tell me OK I will do it.
What the Holy Hell is that about?
Let's back up to how my friends convinced me to date my 1st real boyfriend who verbally and physically assaulted me." Oh he just doesn't know how to tell you he likes you. You know how boys are?" Well, I didn't as he was my first and I saw my Dad hit my Mom and his live in girlfriend so you go with what you know I guess. Then the whole, he really likes you leads to a marriage that we all know what happened with.
Sooooo, the point you ask?
Go with your gut Lady.
My gut says, I am a good Mom. My house is dirty but my kids giggle.
I don't do enough reading, exercise, drinking water, sleeping, ect but guess I giggle.
My bills are late but we have what we need.
I like to be in the company for a funny, smart, off the norm guy and that may not be following the road you thing it should be but for now it makes me happy so we will keep traveling that road.
I have doubts and I overthink but I am finding those occurrences happening less and less the more I cut out the negative and the more I believe.
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