Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Hold that emotion for a minute....

I am angry today.
I think I summed it up in an email to a friend. I am tired of being a Superhero today. I'll be back at it tomorrow. I would like to be cuddled in someone's arm for a while instead of some pillar of strength. I'm tired.
Today's trigger:
I did not get a full child support payment so I called him and he says I don't know they took it out of my check. Next I call DOR and they say " He has met his obligation for the month."
That was like it. He has a limit? He doesn't even know about this but I am still raging.
It was like a symbol. When do I get to say, Yeah, I'm done for now. Thanks but you will have to come back in May. No more school lunch, bedtime drama, dinners cooked, tubs. See you next month.
By my calculations I have 11 years at a minimum.
Oh and if he asks me for a child to write off his taxes next year I think I may just punch him in the face. No, Seriously.
As I am on the phone telling the guy how ridiculous this is I just start to cry. I am having a hard time not crying.
I just kept thinking-Get it together chick, you have a party to put on for the in-laws. The exact person I hate right now I have to smile with for a couple of hours for the girls.
I promised myself I would go to my room tonight and cry.
The only thing I regret is food. I want to eat. I haven't had dinner. I traded it for beer. Not a good life choice but I don't care.
I'll put my superhero cape and smile back on tomorrow.
Fuck it.

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40
5/20/18 YPD Run to Remember 37.37 12:08