Due to a ton of stuff that has been going on for the long haul in the background of my everyday life and recent more intense stress that has resolved I have been sort of more stressed out than normal.
I have said it a million times but this house thing is killing me. I was just talking to someone the other day and I realized that I decided to give up my house in August last year. It has been almost a whole freaking year.
The house is slowly breaking down and not being maintained around me and it is also a heavy weight.
The lawn and gardens are shitty.
The screens that are ripped by the cats-Welfare.
The walls which are scratched and bare and need paint.
The cat who has decided to pee and poop where ever he wants although after $200 he is found to be hunky dorey.
I don't live like this.
Ava said to me the other day-Mom, we need some decorations in here to make it pretty. I start to tear up and say-We have tons of nice things. They are packed in boxes in the garage.
She doesn't get it but I am so sick of it.
I do not have people to my house out of sheer embarrassment.
We did have a few people over last night and I was explaining my shithole from the moment they walked into my box filled garage. Sucks.
My patience with the girls is deplorable.
I need a fucking escape, so that is exactly what I did.
The girls were with their Dad for the weekend and on a whim I decided to head to this BBQ competition I had been thinking about for a while.
Of course the car is another issue. Hate it and don't trust it. The fan died so no AC as well. That adds to the angry factor immensely.
I tried to get a rental car but nothing was available so I asked my Uncle. He is the best guy I have ever known and he let me take his Chrysler 300-otherwise known as "Big and Sexy". I am a weird girl who likes cars and this is definitely a hot one. I would own one in about 30 seconds if I hit the lottery.
Anyway, I was here, crossing the bridge and headed to NH by 6pm. ( He doesn't read my blog but Shhhh, I will say there was some speeding involved)
The next photo is my attempt to catch the sunset in NH between the openings in the trees. It made my heart warm. The music was full blast, I was singing and dancing and no one was there to pick on my music, change the station or give their 2 cents which I did not want. The only vice I think I have left that helps me relax is driving and singing. Kitchen dancing is probably a close second but people are always home so that is rare lately.
I had no place to stay. I drove and looked for a place with a restaurant close by so I could have some drinks and walk home. Yeah, fool it's NH. Not much luck there so I find 1 room available.
Ma'am all we have is a King Suite with a full kitchen, living room and walk in closet.
Terrific I'll take it.
I will admit I felt a little silly in this big ass room with my back pack and bag of Wendy's but who cares. I had that giant marshmallow bed to myself and I pulled the room darkening shades and slept like a dead person.
I then decided it was BBQ time as I wanted to be there early. I hiked back up that hill but now felt like a mountain and I had this distinct feeling of gratefulness. I haven't had this feeling for a long time. I am so very happy to not be fat anymore. If I weighed 120lbs more than I do now I would have been sitting on every bench along the way wiping away sweat and panting. God, I hated myself like that.
I took the slower route off the highway and stopped at a few places and enjoyed the views.
In no time at all I came upon the parking dudes waving us into Harpoon Brewery. YES!
What a good time. Yes, I actually had a good time alone. Would I have had a better time with a partner in crime? Yes but honestly it was better than staying home. I didn't have to do what anyone else wanted to do. It was sort of selfish. I did whatever I wanted. I generally will give up what I desire if someone else wants it another way so this was a great exercise for me to do it Fooseberry style.
I didn't take any photos besides this one while there. Damn. Actually, it is all good. I enjoyed myself instead of clicking photos and thinking about blogging it.
But I will say it was fun. There was beer of course and more BBQ than you could imagine. I had some of the best brisket and jambalaya ever. I wish I wasn't driving home or I would have sampled way more beer and hot food. I forgot I was a post-op so of course I didn't eat much but there was live music and people watching. I sat next to a woman at a fire pit and talked about her husbands new job at Harpoon and how he loved it.