Thursday, May 17, 2012

Unripened Berry

Lessons are being thrown at me like I should have a fucking Doctorate in myself. If only I can learn it all.
It hurts and I am confused and I have way more to learn.
I may have thought I was all cool and over this divorce thing but I am still a newbie. Ouch.
I remember thinking it has been a couple of years, you should be over it. Pull up your boot straps and get it together girl. Time to move on.
I eventually want to have a good solid relationship with a decent person but hey guess what? You are not ready. You my friend are still a hot mess.
You have fear, uncertainty, lack of confidence and trust issues.
Great! I am a catch and a half.
I look fantastic to a crappy guy who will not challenge me or will cement these beliefs even deeper into my brain but I choose not to.
I will challenge myself instead to learn and better myself. I will work on quieting the voices in my head or at a minimum retrain them to speak nicer to me.
I do not need another person to validate me.
I will learn that I am worthy.
I will learn to respect my own thoughts, live them and allow others to not agree with them if they wish.
This will take time. Patience eludes me but I will be forced to learn that as well. Like an open wound, I can not make my body heal before it is ready.

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40
5/20/18 YPD Run to Remember 37.37 12:08