I will not allow myself to fall back into that crap.
I, wait, We will be moving out of this house in the next few months. Where you ask? I have no idea right now. Isn't that exciting?
It is the final step to my total "jump off this carousel" plan that started late last Summer. Remember all those posts about not knowing how to get out of my hectic life? Well I did it. I have let everything go including my guilt and I feel great. Scared? Sure some days but mostly elated and excited and can't wait.
I was recently asked if I thought the pressure of this huge mortgage and the somewhat packed living arrangement was the death of my marriage and I thought about that for a long time. You know what it may have been part of it but I finally came up with this answer and when it flowed out of my mouth even I was surprised.
If we had stayed in a house with 1/3 of the rent it would have only allowed me to stay in a loveless marriage for longer.
This house and all that came with it was a learning experience.
I will no longer let my life suck.
I am in control of my life now. It is pretty great.
I write about the final step like it is a small one but it isn't. I have to find a house that is hopefully in my kids existing school district as that was my sole promise to them. I still have to pack this big house up and move it. Not a small task but it fits into my plan to unload a lot of clutter and things that have been weighing me down.
It is as if my slate will be wiped and with it I am sending all the negative crap I have been carrying around for years. I will no longer carry the burden of taking care of everyone else.
So think about us Fooseberry girls. No need to worry about us just know we are on the road to a terrific adventure.
But also keep your ear out as we may need some help soon so bring your work gloves and we'll supply the pizza and beer. :)
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