Sunday, February 26, 2012

Final step

I was all ready to post this big uplifting positive post until I went looking for a photo. Remembering that it had to be one of my own I found this one. It is one of my favorites. It's Winter now and I have really lost the motivation to keep it up so it isn't quite so cute but it still makes me sad. This was my dream, to have a beautiful house of my own with green grass and a hydrangea filled yard.
I will not allow myself to fall back into that crap.
I, wait, We will be moving out of this house in the next few months. Where you ask? I have no idea right now. Isn't that exciting?
It is the final step to my total "jump off this carousel" plan that started late last Summer. Remember all those posts about not knowing how to get out of my hectic life? Well I did it. I have let everything go including my guilt and I feel great. Scared? Sure some days but mostly elated and excited and can't wait.
I was recently asked if I thought the pressure of this huge mortgage and the somewhat packed living arrangement was the death of my marriage and I thought about that for a long time. You know what it may have been part of it but I finally came up with this answer and when it flowed out of my mouth even I was surprised.
If we had stayed in a house with 1/3 of the rent it would have only allowed me to stay in a loveless marriage for longer.
This house and all that came with it was a learning experience.
I will no longer let my life suck.
I am in control of my life now. It is pretty great.
I write about the final step like it is a small one but it isn't. I have to find a house that is hopefully in my kids existing school district as that was my sole promise to them. I still have to pack this big house up and move it. Not a small task but it fits into my plan to unload a lot of clutter and things that have been weighing me down.
It is as if my slate will be wiped and with it I am sending all the negative crap I have been carrying around for years. I will no longer carry the burden of taking care of everyone else.
So think about us Fooseberry girls. No need to worry about us just know we are on the road to a terrific adventure.
But also keep your ear out as we may need some help soon so bring your work gloves and we'll supply the pizza and beer. :)

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Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
05/18/08 YPD 5k 52:57 17:05
06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
09/27/14 Girly Girl 5K 37:24 12:02
10/26/14 Pell Bridge Run 4mi 48:41 12:10
11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
12/06/14 Jingle Jog 5K 34:42 11:11
03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
05/17/15 YPD Blues 5K 34:58 11:17
06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40