To pass the time on the overnight shift my Mom left me a bunch of magazines so I can get some recipes, learn some celebrity gossip and find out I am not the only one battling the sugar demon.
On more than one occasion I found myself smiling or laughing as I see the article making mention on my life. Like having a stressful bedtime with the girls and while discussing it with my Mom I am absently digging around in a basket for the last remndants of Easter candy. I have 4-5 Hershey kisses in my mouth before I realize it and walk away.
In the article she states the American Heart Association recommends a max of just 6 tsp or 24 grams of sugar a day for woman. Really? I can top that in an Easter basket drive by.
She chronicles 30 days of it and even mentions eating a kids yogurt in a tube during a desperate time because she had thrown away all the other "crap". Um, yeah I have done that. I keep the kids snacks I know I am not interested in but for some reason Sponge Bob fruit snacks are a delicacy in a dark kitchen when no one is looking and stress levels are high.
As you all know I am a "special" person who is addicted to sugar but is brought close to death by it as well. I jokingly call myself a crackhead but really I am. It is no different than a person who still uses drugs even though they know it will kill them. You might buy your drugs from a shady guy in a dark parking lot. I, on the other hand, walk into a well lit Dunkin Donuts and order a cocoa cream puff donut and no one knows it is terribly wrong.
My kids are even taking note. I have had to explain my blood glucose drops to them as it sometimes makes me fall asleep. They are aware I need to test my blood sugar and will fetch my tester if I need it.
I do not like this. I feel like I am explaining my heroin nod to them.
They are also learning what causes this and are denying me food. I am not sure how I feel about this. On one hand they are a subtle reminder but on the other I am the Mom and they shouldn't be taking care of me. Last weekend I was denied a bite of cake by my oldest-"Mom, you can't have that or you will fall asleep."
Yup, you are right little girl. You are absolutely right.
So in the last week I have walked by that basket (actually I forgot about it until I started writing this and will have to throw it away when I get home) I have brewed my own coffee (No DD stops) and I have had salad instead of bread for lunch. I also went thru every stitch of left over Easter hunt crap and I brought all that candy to work and fed it to the crows. It was gone in about 18 hrs.
I have had a few Luna bars to get me thru the 1st week as it is tough for me. I fear bread, pasta and starchy foods as they get the Gremlin going and I have this false straving feeling that I can't shake. It's still here and I know it is in my head but it is damn believable.
The "clean" eating also brings on other good and bad points.
Bad: If I make a wrong choice the sugar drops are more sever so I tend to be nmore nervous about my food choices. This sometimes leads to a circle where I won't eat if I can't come up with a good choice, then I am starving so I then make a poor choice like a sub or pizza which is carb loaded. For example I made a ratatouille type dish for dinner but had no real protein for it so I made ravioli and put a few with it. Now I am paranoid what those frozen white flour bombs are going to do to me in about 60-90 minutes.
Good: I am noticing my scale creeping down and my belt in 1 notch down (not smaller but back where it is supposed to be). I am also not experiencing the wild mood swings and exhaustion that goes with riding the carb roller coaster.
I know this started out sounding like my typical cupcake cheesy post but ended up sounding all serious but it is a big part of my daily battle and I am tired of losing.
I have done this before. I don't want to even go back and count the times or I will just see how many times I have failed. In fact I didn't post about it early in the week as I didn't expect to make it this many days. I do not know how many days I have been Candy-clean but it is a day at a time.
As the world turns in my life.
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