Stress Level was at Def Con 4

This week has been a doozy!
I didn't exactly know what kind of week it was going to be and was sort of hit with it about mid-week. I have been working preparing my paperwork to file for divorce by myself. Not feeling sorry for myself or anything -I like it like that-I am a Lone Ranger of sorts. I also think I was treating it like work, just paperwork, get the questions answered and the forms filled out without any emotional attachment. So yesterday I headed to Harwich to meet with a lawyer to look over what I had done and see if I had what I needed and it was legal enough for court filing. The reason I drove all the way to Harwich you ask? I was lucky enough to find an organization that offers a few free 30 minute sessions with a lawyer.
I believe my Angel, which I think is my Nana, helps me out along the way. Yesterday she "helped" me by placing a blue-haired driver who chose to drive no faster than 30mp all the way from Hyannis to Harwich. After a few horn beeps when she would stop at a green light I decided this is my destiny, a slow leisurely drive down Cape. Once I finally made it to Harwichport I was an hour early to I sat and had some lunch and then walked around the village a bit. Suddenly it all hit me, what I was there for and how absolutely alone I felt. No way to change it today just another step in this process.
All in all, it appears I had all the correct forms and even a few extras that she made an X through and said I didn't need. The bulk of the time was going over the Separation agreement which I am hoping I can read her handwriting to make the corrections she suggested. She was able to help me with the big questions about medical insurance and the house being left to me so it was a very helpful appointment but still leaves me with more work to do. I am also still having a difficult time with the money. She says he should help with half of daycare and be paying for this and that but I know what he makes. All of you that are going to comment about the fact that I need not worry about that please keep it to yourself. I know, but I have a heart and you are not doing this I am. Once you are going through a divorce and dissecting your life from heart to tea kettle we can chat otherwise you have no idea what this is like. I was luck enough to have a Mother who took care of us 100% and if nothing else she taught us how to take care of ourselves. If he helps great but I do not count on anything but myself.
I got to top this fantastically emotional afternoon with the final Divorce Class which included a movie about how divorce effects kids and it was filled with real kids talking about how they felt. It was full of mullets and bad clothes but the message was the same. They hear all, see all and feel all. It brought tears to my eyes. We then got to talk about the effects it has on each age group and I got to talk about my bedtime nightmare. I will admit, I was shitty and may have even rolled my eyes. I have been there, done that. The only thing she suggested that I have not done is separate their bedrooms because I just can't. Bedtime is a nightmare which takes 2-3 hours and always ends in me screaming. How are they supposed to go to sleep with their blood pressure through the roof ? I don't know but I am at the end of my rope and feel like a crap ass Mother at the end of each day. What a way to end my already long day.
After finally getting Ava to sleep last night at 9:20pm I escaped (Thank You Nana) for some grown up time. I compromised a few hours of sleep for an adult conversation, a slice of pizza and a beer. I needed that.
While out I get an email from Olivia's teacher-Oh, shit!-but I was pleasantly surprised to read this:

I just wanted to drop you a quick note to say how much of an improvement I have seen in Olivia's attitude and work ethic recently. She is really doing a nice job on her work, especially her Spelling Tests and Math Work. She still needs to work on quality, but her attitude towards her work has greatly improved.
YES! It is all for something! I am too excited to hear about this week's spelling test which we won't get back until next week. Previously she was getting about 5 out of 12 and last week she got 12 out of 12. Hot Damn!

It is a process and a long one but it can't get better without bumps and bruises I guess. I am off for the weekend-THE WHOLE WEEKEND. No overtime and barely any plans and I like that idea. Monday is my birthday and I was just told by my 4 year old that we are going to Red Robin, yum because it is my favorite restaurant. Really? Isn't that your favorite restaurant? Oh, well - my favorite things are always their favorite things. So I will be eating giant burgers and hopefully get a pink balloon when I leave if I am a good girl.

After re-reading this post I feel like I need to take a really deep breath. What a suck ass week!
-I forgot to mention the other 2 big things: Nana looks better but is still limping. I was so excited to see her yesterday alive and kicking I had to walk up and hug her tightly.
-It is also payday and Uncle Sam did not murder me on my 24 hrs of overtime last weekend. So Thank you Money Gods-The Mortgage is paid!

Next week better be full of freakin' rainbows and glitter because I feel like I took my hits for the month already, Thank you very much!