Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Mental Breakdown

I had intended to post all this sunshine and butterflies about my day but I am a pressure cooker and I am about to burst so I am going to expel some here and then it will be back to regular posting.
I am done-not like suicidal done-just done.
I do not want to do things anymore because I think I should, have to or am supposed to.
I want to get rid of the guilt if I don't do it.
I want to get rid of the need to do it right.
I want to say I can't do it.
I want to do what I want to do.
I want to rid myself of the clutter-both physical and mental.
I want to get rid of feeling like crap about myself, my life and my skills as a Mother.
I want to disconnect.
I already feel better as I have unfortunately vented on the people that are close to me and now dumped it on you. I now have the huge task of trying to change some if not all of these things. Have I just added to the problem by making a list and adding to the work load that I just bitched so heavily about? Yes I believe I have.
I have gotten to the point where the stress level is preventing me from sleeping and we all know how much sleep I get as it is. I have made commitments for the weekend and I just want to walk away from them. I am at the end of my rope.
I want to simplify my life.
I want to help my children blossom.
I want to have more positive and less negative in my life.
I want to work less and play more.
I want to enjoy my life.
I want to be happy.

6 comments:

Arkansas Patti said...

I sure wish I had something brilliant to say but I don't. One thing I would do if I were you is scrap those commitments for the week end. How good to anyone will you be anyway?
I can only think your sleep deprivation is only aggrivating your situation. Catch 22. I would go to the doctor to get help sleeping. Maybe a sleep study??
To comment with out knowing the whole story is a bit of folly on my behalf but I just couldn't just click on exit.
Find someone to help carry the load and simplify. Learn to say No. It is OK to do so.

Melting Mama said...

Like crack, just say no.

You need only to do what you NEED to do. Think about what's important, the basics, what are they?

Yourself/kids/work, because you do need a paycheck.

That is really it. Anything else can fuck off.

Barb on cape cod said...

A very wise lady once told me: When asked to do something...say "I have plans". The plans may be no more than sitting on your butt, relaxing if needed". I also could recommend the book, "meditations for women who do too much" . Good luck, dont sweat the small stuff....because it's all small stuff.

bonnie:) said...

call me and vent...anytime for as long as you need.

Perplexed said...

You and I are on the same playing field. I can only say I understand and I too am here if you need to vent. It is difficult (very) trying to piece everyones lives together and make things work when your not feeling your best. You are absolutely hands down a fantastic friend, co-worker, mother and I am damn sure wife.(LOL) .
Take care of yourself and the rest will follow!

Wildeve said...

I was having trouble sleeping this past winter and my sister gave me some melatonin, a supplement, and it helped.

Race Results

09/07/07 Main Street Mile 11:44
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06/14/08 Walpole Village 5K 35:27 11:26
06/21/08 Mashpee Fun Run 34:21 11:05
07/19/08 Mashpee Woodlands 36.49 11:52
08/10/08 Falmouth Road Race 1:29:31
08/25/08 Women Running Wild 35:40 11:30
10/25/08 Mashpee Firefighters 37:47 12:10
05/02/09 Cape Abilities 5K 34:59 11:17
05/17/09 YPD 5K 36:41 11:50
08/09/09 Falmouth Road Race 7mi 1:37
10/31/09 Mashpee Firefighters 5K 37:15 12:00
09/11/11 Main Street Mile 12:31
10/29/11 Screech to the Beach 5K 39.13 12:20
08/12/12 Falmouth Road Race 1:34:24 13:29
05/18/14 YPD 5k 44.25 14:17
06/1/14 June Jog 4mi 1:04 16:00
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:42:04 14:35
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11/27/14 Turkey Trot in VA 5K 35:22 11:23
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03/29/15 Thomas Guinta Memorial 5K 34:14 11:03
04/19/15 St. Margaret's 5K 31:11 10:21
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06/07/15 Newport 10 Miler 1:56:09 11:36
06/20/15 Mackenzie's 5K 33:55 10:54
08/17/14 Falmouth Road Race 1:33:51 13:24
10/31/15 Screech at the Beach 36:19 11:40