Working 8-4

Did a swap today so I am officially a Day Weiney - for today anyway. This makes for a normal day. I have been doing this 4 to Midnight shift for so long it is an event for me to pull off a day shift and be normal for once. There is a lot of crap to do in the morning before I go to work and usually I don't have to get it done until 3pm. How do you normal people do it?
Lunch and breakfast and backpacks packed and is my shirt clean and ironed and did you brush your teeth-wait did I brush my teeth? Oh and I get to work and I have forgotten something big like deodorant or my brain or my Click!!!
Good news for today is I think I did not forget anything- Click is in the fridge, teeth got brushed and I don't smell so it is shaping up to be a fine day.
My Mom got the girls their Christmas dresses this weekend so I would like to get a photo to put in our Christmas cards. They actually got the same dress which I think is kind of weird but it is cute. I am actually thinking about making Mr. FB put on a clean shirt and get a family photo. Wouldn't that be a trip?
So keep an eye out for the mailman next week and enjoy your day.

I'm an Onion

That is what Julie says and I think it fits. She says that I am working though my layers and my spirit guides say I am doing a good job.
Then why don't I feel that way. I have loosened up on my maniacal cleaning but now I look around and see a dirty house and feel lazy. Earl has been letting me sleep late while he was out of work over the Holiday and I actually feel worse instead of better.
I know how to march on and mechanically fulfill my responsibilities with little sleep, too much caffeine and no feeling. As I start to try to do things better for myself I feel more vulnerable and it is harder for me to deal with some things in life.
I also realize that I am blogging less which used to be a good thing for me. I think this is happening for a couple of reasons:
1. I used to blog about all our our crazy escapades. We just don't have that many any more. Some of it is that I don't have the money to do 100 mile trips for the day and tickets to all these events like we used to do. Some of it is that I just don't want to anymore. I would rather open the garage and watch them ride bikes and jump on the trampoline until they giggle their butts off or Ava beats Olivia up. This just doesn't seem exciting enough to blog about. Gee, want to see the laundry I folded today - read today's Blog Post.
2. I also can't seem to understand some of what is happening in my head. I want to put it into words so I can help myself work through it but even now as I type I feel like I am rambling in circles. I am finding that I am more angry than I want to be. I am more easily aggravated when I start to feel overloaded. It is like my tolerance for it is just lower. Just the other day plans started to change that were going to make my life complicated and I just felt like flipping. I want to cross my arms, pout and say " I am not doing it!"
Does that make sense?
I guess after a life of doing things I feel like I have to do I am finally getting to the point where I just don't have the room to carry anything else and I am stomping my foot and not doing it anymore.
I took off a few days this month, which I haven't done in a while. I have plans that involve me and my friends, which I haven't done in a while either. I also just don't have many plans right now. That may sound easy for most but not for me. How to deal with the boredom and monotony of life without a full calender? I have been told I am addicted to a full calender. I did some Christmas shopping over the weekend and I realized I like the crazy on the go feeling but then my family and home suffers. How to detox from the crazy life? I want a normal low key life but thrive on chaos I guess.
You can't peel an onion without some tears right?

Christmas cards

Although I have no desire to get this Holiday started I did get my cards made today. No wait, the kids actually made them. It was quite fun. I was whipping up some Turkey soup to get rid of the turkey leftovers while they painted, glued and glittered the hell out of 24 cards. I really wanted to post a picture of them as I am so excited and pretty proud of the job they did but I don't want to ruin it before you get one in the mail.
Dad and a couple of friends cut and split a ton of wood that was at Grampa's house. In the end it was 4 overloaded pick-up truck loads. He has about 1/2 a day left but if the weather and his days off coincide again it will be a freaking miracle. We are ready for whatever Mother Nature delivers us this Winter. Bring it on!
I am thinking that my lack of Holiday Umph has to do with Ava going for surgery on Friday. I just don't want to have any plans or craziness on my plate until we see how she does. Olivia bounced back fine and actually went out to lunch with us on the way home from the hospital but as you all know-Ava and Olivia are NOT the same.
This weekend is also the Christmas Parade in Falmouth which Olivia will be marching in with Falmouth Dance Academy and that is enough. We can get a front row parking spot and Ava will be able to watch from there with family. I think I will be walking it Olivia.
So basically a full week in the Berry House. Hope to see you there~

Thanksgiving and More

I took a picture of the turkey being carved but it is home on my camera so imagine a turkey....cut....eaten.
That about covers it.
It was a nice, quiet day actually. The kids stayed over at Gramma's because I was working so I got to sleep a bit late. Unfortunately when I arrived to get the kids I figured we could hang out and visit but there was a bit of bickering between the family so the kids and I left. We went to see our friends and give out Gobble, Gobble hugs for Thanksgiving. It was great to see Bonnie's first attempt at homemade pie crust. Something that I envy and am terrified of.
When we returned for dinner it was a quiet meal. Maybe we should brew up a family argument more often as it was the nicest meal I have had on a Holiday in a while!!
Due to the rain on Friday Dad was not able to cut firewood so instead we went out to breakfast and he drove me to Hyannis so I could brave Toys R Us. I didn't really plan it but I was able to get a few presents for 50% off. Terrific!
Today my Mom and I headed out to Kmart and Old Navy and got some awesome deals. Buy One Get One Free with a $5 coupon in my hand-Can't beat that!!
I think the Christmas spirit has bitten everyone this year. Last year just Sucked!
I have seen so many decorated homes and trees all lit peeking out from people's windows. It seems like everyone is jumping on the Holiday bandwagon early this year. I am not so ready for that myself. I just took the pumpkins and Pilgrims down and I just don't feel like unloading all the Christmas stuff just yet. Maybe once the leaves are removed from the lawn I will be more into it.
How is your Holiday preparation going?

Happy Thanksgiving!

May your belly be full of pie and turkey and your heart full of Love and Family.

Thanksgiving Plans

I am working this evening but am lucky enough to have my days off fall on Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas, New years Eve and New Years Day this year. Great for the family - crappy for the wallet.
Everyone around here is chit chatting about their plans and where they are headed. This year I am out of the rotation for cooking so we are going to my in-laws for dinner. There is sure to be tons of delicious food and I plan on bring my own Tupperware to bring home leftovers.
I am just realizing that I have nothing to do tomorrow. No one asked me to bring anything, make anything and I vaguely know what time I need to be there. Does 1-ish sound right?
My kids are even sleeping over there right now so I am so unplanned right now I barely know what to do with myself. I keep looking at the calender and thinking what am I supposed to do?
I had planned to run a race tomorrow as there are some great ones planned but can I waste a quiet and empty home to be out in the cold at 7am to run?? We will see. I decided if I get up and happen to feel like abusing myself for about half an hour then maybe I will.
I hope everyone has a happy and healthy Holiday.

A new reader

I just got a really neat email from someone who stumbled upon my Blog. I still am surprised when I hear this.
When I write I am writing to my friends and family who I know are reading.
Sometimes I am just talking to myself and working things out in my head-we will call these The Dark Posts.
Sometimes I write a post with a certain person in mind. I wonder if these people see it or know it is them. Maybe I should set up a secret signal when I pull on my ear you know it is you....Oh wait, you can't see my ears.
Anyway back to the point:
When I responded I really started to think about what a record I am creating. The girls will be able to look back on photos and stories that chronicle basically their whole lives growing up. I am not great at the whole Baby Book thing. Olivia was OK for a few years and Ava maybe a month but what can be better than this. Instead of the 1 line answers to dry questions she will see the ups and downs we have had in the last year and hopefully on. From now on maybe some of the posts should be written to them as they make my life and my blog.

Sometime in 2007

Turkeys gobbled up in Sandwich

Do you see our friend Barry buying his fresh Turkey?? Why did you duck out on an interview?

Thanksgiving to Christmas is too short

Why is it at this time of year it is always the same:
Why didn't I put $20 a week away so I was ready?
What am I going to buy for the in-laws?
Do they really need another My Little Pony?

Last night it was dead quiet in this place so I sat down with my calender and planned for the month of December. The bills are all gonna get paid but what is left is laughable.
I am/was stressed. I am OK with it for now but this could change at any moment. I am planning on a homemade card with a photo of the kids. This is more about making me happy than the money. I like cards and would like to have a special one not just a regular boxed card. A decent Midnight OT shift would be great to get these done!
I made a list of people we need to buy for and it is not terrible but finding something for some of these people is hard. Then I get to the point where I feel like we are buying just because we have to not because we have found the best gift for a person.
The kids are easy. I don't want to get a ton of crap so it will be a small Christmas, getting only what they need or some of what they asked for. Ava has been too funny-she doesn't understand that " We'll see."basically means No. Every commercial she squeals out " Can I get that? Can I get that?" and my answer is always "We'll see" and in return I hear " Thanks Mom."
So I will be taking a deep breath and hand my debit card to Dad so that I need a permission slip for anything I do. We have to keep on this path and not stray no matter how the pressures of Christmas push us. It is not about the presents-It is about the cookies.....Oh, I mean love and family.

Where did the day go?

Have you seen it?
My day started with a request for some juice and TV at 6:30 this morning. I declined on the TV and gained a warm little body for some snuggling time instead. By 7:30 I was making everyone a warm breakfast and cleaning up a bit. I was lucky enough to hit the gym this morning but was grouchy so the music was on high and no smiles were shared.
The kids headed over to Gramma and Grampa's so Dad could split some wood. I decided this mood has got to go so when I returned from the gym I put myself to bed. See the kids cry when I try to do this to them but I would smile from ear to ear if my Mom told me to GO TO BED!
I obviously needed it because I slept from about 10am until almost 1:30. CRAP! I jumped in the shower and headed over to see the girls. Too short of a time with them and then I was off to work.
Today Gone.
Tomorrow - Double shift - 8am-Midnight so another day is wiped out.
You see, Santa's list is growing so what else is a Mom to do?

Squash my plans with a Hammer

Today was supposed to be a Mama's Day. Not an official Holiday but a rare day to say the least. Me and my best-est friend in the whole world were supposed to go off without any children and do something. I think it involved some shopping and lunch but frankly I would have been happy to dig a ditch as long as I was out with my friend, no children and no curfew.
I should have seen it coming but I am blind sometimes.
My daughter was being a pill, not too far off her norm but general pushing my buttons. After fighting with her to stay in bed and her crying again and again I decided to lay down with her to get her to sleep. Soon she drifted off and I quietly made my way back to bed.
Now I am just trying to get some quiet time and watch some TV when the oldest comes into my bed. I turn off the TV and light only to hear Ava start to moan. When I go check on her I find a Hot Pocket.
F'ing Heck!
Not too bad - 100.7. This is her normal pattern-Fever, Throw-up, Better.
Well, true to her history at 7am she is throwing up her juice in my bed.
I get everyone cleaned up and dressed and we head over to pick up my sister at the dealership.
P.S. My Mom's car is fixed-WooHoo!
Doesn't she barf all over herself and the car seat.
So after a bit of speed grocery shopping I return home to commence my 100 loads of laundry in warm water and bleach. I am happy to say all beds are washed, all car seats washed and fever seems to be gone.
Did I mention the other day how tired I am?

This pretty much sums it up

I don't want this to be a BITCH post but I feel like it is going to be.
Ever get to the point when you want to just be invisible? Don't worry about me, it is not a depression thing. I am fine.
I just don't want to hear it.
I would like to go to work, play with the kids, make lunch and work out at the gym but I want to be like freaking Casper the ghost. You can't see me-I am just floating around doing my thing. Quietly - Maybe even wearing my Ipod and singing to Britney Spears.
I have gone though this feeling before but I usually just push through it and keep on chugging because it would be rude just to say "Leave me alone" and hang up right?
It just seems to be taking so much energy for me to give a shit so I don't.

How tired am I?

I was playing-I don't want to say Doctor-so I will say Hospital with Ava today. I was told to lie down and she would take care of me. After covering me with her baby blanket and going to get her Doctor kit, she starts to listen to my heart, give me shots all over my arms and apply plastic band aids to make it feel better.
This obviously fixed whatever was wrong with me because I promptly fell asleep.

Cookie Time is Near!!!

Some of you may be thinking "When can I get a Thin Mint again??"
I know, I know ... Everyone else is on a diet. Well, I can counter that argument with a box of Daisy Go Rounds. Each box includes 5 delicious 100 calorie mini bags of cinnamon swirl cookies. Olivia's favorite so actually I bought all of them last year.
I am awaiting an update from our fabulous Daisy Leader on when they will be available and I will be updating you then. My daughter sold quite a few boxes last year and I think we can sell more this year. She earns prizes, the troop earns money and she earns money that can be use towards Summer camp. Last year they took all the change and donation money collected and bought boxes of cookies and donated them to our local food pantry-The Falmouth Service Center.
So while you are Christmas Shopping this year throw all your loose change in a jar marked-Girl Scout Cookie Money.
We will be stopping by your place of business or delivering if needed.
You can leave your requests in a comment to make sure we have what you need.

Update-We will be planning a booth sale hopefully in December(Day TBA)
Live sales where you can buy directly from Olivia will start February 6th. Just in time for a snowy day with some Hot Chocolate!

Blog on Demand

Where have I been?? Sporting this sexy outfit for what seems like an eternity. I can't bitch too much as my co-workers read this blog and they don't want to hear it. They have worked a double and will say "Suck it up".
I started my work week on Saturday with a 4-mid then a mid-8am shift. Slept for about 5 hrs and came back for my regular shift on Sunday. Whenever I do this I feel like I have lived here for a week and my kids have aged a year. It sucks but overtime can be used for time off instead of pay and I am all about having time off. It is the Holiday Season my friends.
This morning I drove out to Sandwich to pick up an item from a Freecycler. I then proceeded to make a pot of coffee and get to work.
I emptied all the various toy boxes and tubs and started sorting thru them leaning heavily on a bag to post on Freecycle and the trash. In the end I used a sand rake to rake the last remaining pieces into the trash-It worked out well. The big bag of toys I gave away actually went to a girl I know from Falmouth so that makes me feel better. I also removed a huge toy box and replaced it with a smaller one with sliding bins that is about 1/2 the size. When I left it just needed to be vacuumed.
As usual as 1 room gets better the other gets worse so my room is now a hot mess. My plan for tomorrow is to hit the Gym-on my new short plan-and then Click my way thru my room. It needs the furniture moved, crap unload and a general cleaning. Would love to clean the carpets but I think I am getting a bit out of control. Click gives me wings but that is a bit much to ask.
Today Ava asked me if we could bowling. Yes, my 3 year old is a bowler! She gets to use this ramp so it doesn't take 30 minutes for the ball to roll down the lane and she usually kicks our ass as it is pretty straight. I am thinking this might be a good activity in the next few weeks.
Cosmic Bowl anyone?

Friday Night Movie Night

Friday night we decided to have a movie night. We rented UP. My plan was to tub the kids and all camp out on the couch in our pj's with popcorn to watch the movie until we fell asleep.
We managed to stay awake but Olivia kept asking when it would be over. Funny that 8:30 is like midnight to her.
The movie:Good but I am not sure the kids got it. I cried. Multiple times. It was sweet and sad. I am a sap I guess. They just laughed and yelled "Squirrel" over and over again. You will understand if you see it.
If you want a sentimental cartoon this is it.
Next time I vote for the Muppets or Fraggle Rock. Kids now a days need to learn about good TV.

We had the day off

My plan was to check out a new playground on Rt 149 in West Barnstable after reading an article about it in the Cape Cod Times. Unfortunately I did not catch the part about it not being completed-BUMMER! It is a beautiful playground and for a terrific cause so we will try to keep in touch with it's progress. Check it out here: Luke's Love.
I decided to head over to Yummy Goods after a friend hooked me to it on Facebook. It is a cute little place with some fantastic items. I think I may be returning for some out of the ordinary Christmas Ideas. Check them out on the web and Facebook.
We next took a ride up Rt 6A, which I haven't done in forever, and found the Barnstable-West Barnstable Elementary School which if I remember right had a cool Castle like playground out back.

After running around out back to look I was happy to tell the kids there were 2 super cool playgrounds. The newer metal style and the Castle one I remember. Wendy-Think back to hide and seek in the dark when we were like 19ish..... Oh the memories.
This slide was pretty funny buried in the hill. It was an excellent time and we played and ran and got some injuries. What fun is it if I am chasing you and I bash my shoulder into the tunnel I am really too big for or smash my head on a wooden beam-LOL! Oh they found it hysterical!

After we ate our picnic lunch and headed back down Rt 6A I spotted this flash of red in someones yard and had to pull over and get a picture. Fall in it's glory!

I bribed the girls at the Penny candy store in Centerville to let me take their picture below which is on the corner of Rt 28 in Centerville by the cemetery. While walking to this display I learned a lot about cemeteries. Like did you know those people live there? Yes, when you die you go to live in the cemetery and people plant flowers for when they come to visit.

Fantastic Day

After I got to work and started to think about today I have to say, it was a terrific day.
I got to sleep in late as the girls slept over Gramma's house. I went to pick them up and we headed out to try to score some of the world's best Whoopie Pies for my afternoon with some friends-unfortunately they were sold out. We left with a pumpkin cookie, a cupcake and smiles instead.
The weather was the best it has been in weeks so I thought we should get outside. It was warm enough for us to play at the Village Playground in our T-shirts. We did this until Mama's sugar got a bit wiggy Thanks to the bite of cupcake and no breakfast.
After trading the kids to Dad who had some errands to do I changed my clothes and walked over to the gym. Empty! I was able to speed thru some weights and then run a circle back home(1.75mi).
I got to Bonnie's later than I wanted so my Bonnie time was too short but the reading by Julie was terrific.
She usually asks if there are any questions or things you want to talk about. No need today-I guess my spirits were full of piss and vinegar as she started right in and we even ran over my 30 minutes.
1st thing (I know Barry-Hold the lectures for Tuesday night)- She says as soon as I walked into the room she could see my stomach. She is a nurse so she knows what she is seeing and it is red and angry. She says it doesn't hurt yet but I think it will if I don't change somethings.
I was happy to hear that I am headed in the right direction and I have 4 spirit guides who agree and are there with me when I may think I am struggling through life alone.
She says my children are a mirror to me and I will see positive changes in them if I make positive changes myself.
I need to make more time for myself. I know, I know.
All in all the reading was right on and what I needed to hear.
No Winning lottery numbers but she said things will start to look up and I will see the fruits of my labor in April. Job opportunity or change in June??

Alma or Elma??

I am trying to reach out to my family that is spread all over the place.
Does anyone know of a family member that may be a distant cousin that is deceased and her name is Alma or Elma?? I wish Nana Foose was still with us - I have a feeling she would know who this is.
Email me if you know who this might be-Fooseberrypie@gmail.com.

Reading tomorrow

I am a bit excited!
I am getting together with some of my friends to have a psychic reading tomorrow. Julie is a friend of a friend and is very talented. I know some folks don't believe in this "Hocus Pocus" so you can just come back another day to read.
I haven't seen her in a while so I have no idea what she might tell me. For some strange reason I hope she will talk to me about my Nana. I was only able to have her in my life until I was 9 years old but I feel like she is still around. Bonnie and I are hoping she is hanging out with her Mom. We will see tomorrow.

Bus Stop

This is how we kill time while waiting for the bus. Our tree has decided to hold onto it's leave for a while so we don't have any piles to jump in.

Don't touch my Mummy!!!

Yesterday I started to take down my Halloween decorations. I like to decorate for the holidays but it seems like after a month of ghosts and skeletons hanging everywhere I am done. Let's move on.

You would have thought I was removing all the TVs and food from the house. Ava apparently has become very attached to the decorations. Didn't I know it was going to get dark and how were we going to be able to see with out the glowing skeleton lights?

Um, turn on a lamp honey.

I tried to win her over by telling her we could now decorate with Turkeys for Thanksgiving.

NOPE!

She went on to say the Mummy wasn't going anywhere and we needed to ask Wivia before we took it down. Not sure why it is up to Olivia but it is Damn it! We bought this cute Mummy last year at the apple festival but it didn't get much attention until it was about to spend the Winter in the basement.

Sucker that I am I promised to take her out today to buy some Turkey decorations for Thanksgiving and I said we could leave some of the pumpkins up. Who knew how serious a plastic pumpkin and wooden Mummy really was?

Enjoying exercise-Say it isn't so!?!

I missed my regular day at the gym yesterday as Ava had a day off from school and Olivia was on a half day. I did get some time visiting a friend that I don't see enough so it was all good.
Today I headed out right from the bus stop. If the weather is decent I walk there as it cuts out the need for a warm up. See I am the queen of maximizing my time to fit in 10,000 more things to do in one day. Kind of my downfall.
While using a machine that I HATE(!!!), one of the trainers comes by and says you aren't doing that right. He stops to explain and I tell him I am on this machine for 3 different settings 2 sets of 8 and I HATE it. What? is his response. Come with me. He takes me to the basement-UGH! This is where real people workout and there are weights and scary equipment. He shows me a few things which I immediately can tell a difference with. Am I turning into a gym person?
After a few minutes a couple showed up for their appointment and he was off to help them but not before he gave me his business card and told me to call him and he would help me set up a plan.
Did I just exercise in front of a boy?
Was I not scared?
Was I actually doing something that looked like a push up?
I can not believe it. After the weights I headed out on the road for a 2 mile run.
While running I got to thinking about how much I have changed. I am hard on myself and think I should be running farther and faster and better. When I see any of my times for a race I just cringe and usually curse at myself. When I ran across the finish line of the Road Race this year I swore out loud at myself. I should have kept up my running thru the Summer, I should have done better, I should not feel like I am going to die.I forget that 3 years ago I was winded when carrying laundry up from the basement, my back bothered me most of the time and I just didn't feel comfortable in situations with normal people. I see how fat people get looked at now that I "blend in" and I always had that in my mind when I was in social situations before. I mean really, would anyone have even approached me at the gym and offered help when I was a giant round person?Probably not. So not only am I going to be working my body this Winter I plan on working my mind. I am not sure how I can get this crap to stop playing in my head because when I say I am OK with my accomplishments it is usually a lie. I guess I am going to keep saying the positive until I believe it.
So today I did walk the 1 big hill by the cranberry bog but ran the rest and I am happy with that. I want to keep up the outside running as often as the weather allows as it is so much better than the treadmill and soon enough that is all I will be doing.
For some reason a crazy friend of mine has suggested we get together a team to run the Cape Code Marathon next year (October 2010) and I am actually thinking it is do-able. We can have up to 5 members and each leg varies from 3.1 miles to 6.2 miles. After thinking he is a nut-job I started to think-I do run the Falmouth Road Race and that is 7 miles. I did join the gym so I wouldn't have to quit running during the Winter only to try to restart running in the Spring. So why not. The sign up deadline is June so I figure I can see how the Winter goes and decide in the early Spring if I am still consistently running.
This post started out in 1 direction and ended up all over the map. I lost this weight 2 years ago and for some reason it seems like I am just starting to work on the brain part of it. Strange.
Hey it is in the Blog title-If you come here to read you need to expect anything from my Kookie and crazy brain.

Baby Shea's 1st Halloween

In denial

I was told way back when I had my Bypass surgery that wearing a medical bracelet was for people that wanted to draw more attention to themselves. They aren't really necessary and just for the attention seekers. So I blew off the idea. I mean it is not like I have any life threatening disease like the real people that need one.
Well today after a day of not much food and then a nice and healthy chicken nugget lunch I plunged to 59. I didn't even feel it coming until the anger bubbled up and I realized I was shaking like a leaf. See I get panicky, angry and shaky before I realize it is going down and that doesn't usually happen lately until I am about 60.
So after I test I pour some glucose tabs in my mouth and eat a granola bar for the long term fix. Then I proceed to lie in bed and fight off the feeling of a nap because I need to leave for work in 20 minutes. I hate when this happens. Today I think it took almost an hour before I really started to feel like I was coming out of it. My thoughts take a while to come back together.
So for that reason I am thinking I should be wearing a bracelet. If I am found on the side of the road I would want someone to know I need sugar and am not just a street person waiting for a bus.
I found a couple of places where I can order just the plate and I can make my own bracelet.
I'll show off my creation when I get it together.